Jon Fish Online Blog

Moving to MySpace

2006-03-26T01:51:00.000-05:00

I know, I've kept this blog for a long, long time, but I've been coerced by the forces of darkness to move to MySpace to keep my online diary, but I'll probably double post both for awhile 'til I get bored with it. Anyway my link is http://www.myspace.com/jonfishonline so make sure to update your links and add me to your friends. I'll see you all there!

~Peace out

Meet our friend Bacadri

2006-03-24T20:07:00.000-05:00

Mood: Relaxed
TV: CSI

Okay, to everyone that may have recieved a very strange instant message from me last night, don't worry, there are two good reasons for it: 1) I was drunk and 2) It probably wasn't me anyway.

Me and my friend Erin decided that since we were stuck in Knoxville during spring break (well, for the second half of it anyway) we could at least pretend we were on vacation in the sunny Bahamas. 1800mL of Bacadri Gold and a fifth of tequila later, we were very much on vacation.

Anyway, she decides it'll be fun to drunkenly instant message everyone currently online on my buddy list. See, she doesnt use IM, so she has fun using mine and taking to my friends.

Anyway, it was good fun, and I haven't been that drunk in a looong time. So we're gonna do it again tonight. But I promise that this time I'll try to keep the keyboard out of her hands heh.

In other news, I had a great time at NCState and Florida State and I'm really looking forward to seeing Texas A&M next week. Now I just gotta find the motivation to finish out the school year lol. I'll have a full update on my grad school visits when I get back from Texas.

Okay, I think I'm about done. Time to go buy more Bacardi. Talk to ya later!

~Peace

On vacation...?

2006-03-16T03:03:00.000-05:00

Mood: Exuberant
Music: Foo Fighters

Hey all, just thought I'd check in one last time before my trip. I'm leaving tomorrow to head out and visit grad schools. The pay for TAs sucks, but thats pretty much par for the course. They tell ya it's only 20 hours a week, in which case the pay would friggin' rock, but you'd have to be dumb to believe it heh. Ah well, I'm just happy I got offered funding anywhere, I dunno how I'd pay for it otherwise.

First I'm heading to Raleigh, NC, to visit the North Carolina State University Department of Sociology and Anthropology. NCSU is having all their recruits come down on Thursday and they're flying us in from all over the country. We have a meeting with the department head that evening, then we get the night off and are taken out on the town by some of the grad students. Friday we have an informal breakfast with the whole department, followed by a talk about teaching and and current research at NCSU. Then it's lunch with the grad students, followed by one-on-ones with professors in our prospective research fields and the department head. That night we're going to one of the professor's homes for dinner with the entire department.

After all that, I wake up Saturday morning, head back to Knoxville, repack and get ready to get on a plane the next morning to Tallahassee where I get to do it all again at the Florida State University Department of Sociology (I know, plugging the departments, but hey, I think I have a right to be proud). This one isn't structured, I just told 'em when I'd be down and who I'd like to meet with and they set it all up. I plan to rent a car while I'm down there and take Sunday and Monday nights touring the city and going down to the beach. Should be a good trip.

Then I get to relax for about a week or so til the Texas A&M University Sociology Department flies me out to Middle of Nowhere, USA (aka College Station, Texas). And I'm not kidding. Look at where this place is:

See? It's a hundred miles from everything! There's about 120,000 people who live there, and 40,000 of them go to Texas A&M (as opposed to Knoxville, for example, who has over 320,000 people in the greater area, and only 22,000 attending UT).

Anyway, I don't really know what the plan is there. They're having everyone come down at the same time, too, but that's about all I know. But one good thing is that one of my best friends, John Garrison, is down there earning his doctorate in Computer Engineering right now, so I look forward to hanging out with him for a few days.

Oh yeah, I'm also going to make sure to visit the George H.W. Bush Presidential Library while im down there too. Maybe I can get a better understanding of the evil currently residing in the White House by learning more about the seed that spawned him. Ugh...

Anyway, that's about enough I think. Wish me luck and I'll report back sometime after I'm home. Have a great spring break all, and I'll see ya in a couple weeks!

~Peace

Friendship

2006-03-13T23:08:00.000-05:00

I know, I'm rarely serious on this thing anymore, and thats how most of ya like it, but dammit, this is my journal and I get to say whatever the hell I want and I wanna be serious for once dammit!

(Oh, that's real good Jon, yell at the readers. I'm sure that'll help. Anyway...)

I hope she doesn't mind my telling her story, cause I know she reads this thing and I don't wanna embarass her, but I gotta share, I know she'll understand. I promise to be as detail-free as possible. ;) Alright, enough talkin', lets get to the story.

Today, I learned what true friendship is.

I've known this girl for years. She's probably my best friend. But something happened between us. We dated for awhile, and I just chickened out. Things were uncomfortable, but they continued, at least til' I just made a huge mistake and totally screwed this girl over. I mean I had been absolutely, 100%, totally wrong. In actuality, she didn't even know how truly wrong I had been.

We hadn't spoken for over a week, but what I'd done to her ate me up inside. I called her today and we talked. I confessed everything to her because I was feeling so bad that I wanted her scorn, her anger. I felt like I deserved it.

But she didn't get angry. Instead, she hugged me and said "I forgive you."

I forgive you.

Thank you, Erin. You have no idea how much that meant to me.

PS Congrats on med school, babe!

Fun with Google

2006-03-13T11:08:00.000-05:00

Mood: Amused
Location: Starbucks

Most of you have probably heard by now, but if you haven't, everyone go to Google and type in "failure" and click the button that says "I'm feeling lucky" (it takes you to the #1 Google hit for that search query). Anyway, here's what comes up:

Now that's funny. The White House's official George W. Bush bio. Love those guys at Google. Anyway, I found a couple others. Try this one: go to Google and type in "French Military Victories" in quotes and click "I'm feeling lucky" again. Check it out:

There were NO results for "french military victories." Did you mean "french military defeats?" Wow that's great.

Here's one. Go type in "mentalplex" and follow the instructions. it's pretty funny.

Oh, if you've ever wondered how Google works, type in "pigeon rank" and see what happens.

They're also hiring for new jobs, like their new moon-based endeavor. Check out "lunar job" for more.

"Giant lava lamps filled with biomass suspended in seawater generate oxygen for the complex."

Alright last one. Go click on "Language Tools" beside the search bar on Google's main page. Look very closely at your choices:

That's right, if your first languages happens to be "Elmer Fudd," "Hacker," "Pig Latin," or "Klingon," Google has you covered. They even have a translator for the Muppet Show's Sweedish Chef: "Bork, bork, bork!"

Alright, I'm done goofing off now. Heh, I'm just in one of those weird, easily amused moods I guess. I'm just excited about getting to visit grad schools this week that I can't really think about anything else. Anyway, time to get some real work done I suppose. Talk to ya later!

~Peace

Accepted: TA&M

2006-03-10T01:47:00.000-05:00

Where: Texas A&M University - College Station, Texas
National Rank: 49th best Sociology program in the nation.
Personal Rank: Tied for 4th
Program: Master of Science in Sociology enroute to Ph.D.
Funded: Decisions not yet made.

Well this was the one good thing to happen to me on an otherwise horrible day. They'll be flying me out there at the end of this month along with the other potential grads to tour the department and meet the faculty, so I look for ward to it. One side benefit about TAMU is that John, one of my best friends who I grew up with, is already down there studying for his doctorate in computer engineering, so it'll be great to get to spend time with him, too, and maybe earn our grad degrees together.

The Ultimate Showdown

2006-03-03T06:34:00.000-05:00

The Ultimate Shodown of Ultimate Destiny

This thing was so funny I almost cried I was laughing so hard. It also demands Chuck Norris jokes, so without further ado:

-Chuck norris can divide by zero.
-Chuck Norris wears condoms inside out do that he gets all of the pleasure.
-Chuck Norris’ is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-And the 8th seal was opened, and the eighth angel sounded his trumpet, and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Dragon back into the Pit.
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-Chuck Norris doesn't need the fire department. He just glares menacingly at the fire and it stops.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-Roundhouse kick related deaths shot up 136,000% the year Chuck Norris was born.
-Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
-If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
-If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
-The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one
-There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
-When mortals rub two sticks together, we get fire. When Chuck Norris rubs two sticks together, we get Christianity."
-Waldo is always hiding because if Chuck Norris finds him...well...those two just never got along.
-Wu Tang Clan's "In The Hood" is based on Chuck Norris' and Moses' seven year long kung fu duel.
-The highest degree of Masonry is Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris once fought God. Who won? Well, people are still trying to find God, and Chuck Norris is on a perpetual worldwide victory lap. They say Nietzsche was born that day.
-Chuck Norris can fly. This is due in large part to the fact that gravity doesn't fuck with Chuck Norris.
-Many people think that the dinosaurs were killed off by a giant meteor. If by "meteor" you mean "Chuck Norris," then yes, you are correct.
-Chuck Norris doesn't need a pill to maintain a 72 hour erection.
-Megahertz was originally a measure of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
-Chuck Norris beat the Harlem Globetrotters.
-Chuck Norris can beat a man to death using that man's own skull. How this is physically possible, nobody knows.
-Jesus was actually born in the year 6 BCE. The year we celebrate as the birth of Jesus is, in actuality, the year Chuck Norris was born to a virgin.
-Chuck Norris has had sex with every woman on earth. Period.
-Einstein proved his Theory of Relativity when he was roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris into yesterday.
-Chuck Norris invented MacGuyver our of a spork, some thread, and a head of lettuce.
-Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris has never cried.
-On the seventh day, God rested. On the 8th day, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked God for being a pussy.
-If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and no one is anywhere around, rest assured that Chuck Norris heard it.
-Global Warming has increased ten-fold since the cancellation of "Walker: Texas Ranger."
-Chuck Norris sweats Axe body spray.
-Chuck Norris won the Vietnam War for America. The liberal media simply distorted the facts.
-George Bush asks God for advice. God asks Chuck Norris. Therefore, Chuck Norris is our president.
-Chuck Norris will never die. He will simply become one with the Force.
-Chuck Norris is the only person alive to have successfully outwitted Sccoby Doo and the Mystery Machine.
-Michael Jackson's affinity for young boys is a side effect of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking the blackness out of him. Chuck couldn't stand the idea of being the same race as Michael Jackson.
-The only thing worse than Chuck Norris with a gun is Chuck Norris without a gun.
-The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42. The question is "Chuck Norris."
-Some historians believe "Missing In Action" is actually a documentary about Chuck Norris' capture by the Vietnam army. Right, as if some pussy army could capture Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris plays soccer with bowling balls.
-Chuck Norris invented the Total Body Workout Machine to help the Egyptians build the Pyramids.
-Chuck Norris did not grow a beard. Rather, Chuck Norris' beard grew a body.
-Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the doctor who tried to spank him when he was born.
-Like an eclipse, staring directly at Chuck Norris can cause damage to the retina.

And finally:
-The continued existence of all creation revolves solely on Chuck Norris and Bill Brasky never meeting. Should the two every engage in combat, reality as we know it would cease to be.

Alright, 'nuff Chuck Norris jokes. Time for sleep.
~Peace

Gradstudentitis

2006-02-28T00:35:00.000-05:00

Mood: Bouyant
Currently Reading: The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy

I just wanted to thank everyone out there that enjoyed my column and wrote me to share their similarly humorous perceptions of the graduate world. And especially thanks to those grad students and professors who offered advice and suggestions and encouraged me in the persuit of my education. Thanks everyone, I'm glad you liked it!

~Peace

Accepted: FSU

2006-02-24T14:09:00.000-05:00

Where: Florida State University - Tallahassee, Florida
National Rank: 41st best sociology program in the country
Personal Rank: Tied for 3rd
Program: Master of Science in Sociology enroute to Ph.D.
Funded: YES
Type: Assistantship, type to be determined
Funding: Tuition, Stipend, Summer Support, Some Travel
Duration: At least 4 years

Well this is an attractive offer, to say the least. The stipend is a little higher than the others, plus the summer bonus is excellent. I'm not sure if thats every year or just this first year yet, but even still, its a nice add-in. Insurance may also be covered, I'm not sure yet.

But there are other things to like about this one, such as being in Tallahassee, Florida. I could definately spend my next five years less than 20 miles from the beach. This is a tempting offer, and I'm definately going to have to check them out.

Blog Dump #644-029A

2006-02-23T10:08:00.000-05:00

Mood: Bored
Location: Class

Well I've got a ocuple of little things I can talk about I guess. None particularly warranting their own post, but each kinda interesting I think.

I guess we'll start with NCState. I mentioned last week that they offered me full funding for graduate study, and I was ecstatic. Well turns out they also have a recruitment weekend from March 16-18 Where I can go down to Raleigh and meet the faculty and some students and tour the department. They've offered to fly me out there and pay for hotel, so it looks like I'll be visiting North Carolina in a few weeks. I can't wait to go. It looks like a great campus and much of the faculty has dome some realy interesting work, so I'm looking forward to going.

Hrm...what else...

Heh I can post this little exchange between me and the Beacon editors this week. It's kinda funny. You'll remember last week John edited the word "pussies" out of my column and I got a god laugh out of it. You may have also noticed that this week I wrote about Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues. No, it wasn't my motivation, but the irony was not lost on me, as indicated in this (slightly edited) e-mail I sent to John when I sent in my column this week:

I can't say "pussies," eh? Well fine then, I'll just say "vagina" forty-seven times instead lol. Na that's not really my motivation, but damn if it isn't ironic hah. I kinda feel like that episode of South Park where they say shit a hundred and fifty times or whatever. I wanted to work in the "Reclaiming Cunt" title into this thing 'til I saw Amanda got it in already. She stole my thunder dammit haha.
~Peace
Jon

Here was his reply:

Ha.

By the by, I had to cut a bit for space. Just letting you know that none of it was for content. Hope you got all the gynelogical terms you wanted out of your system. Take it easy
John

Then this morning Managing Editor Amanda Sanford wrote on my Facebook wall:

And I sincerely apologize for stealing the thunder on The Vagina Monologues. I just HAD to take the only opportunity The Beacon will ever get to publish the words "Reclaiming Cunt". Such is the glory of my life.

I'll get you for that Sanford!

So let's see. Oh yeah let's talk about cars. I went and drove about five cars yesterday, after having done about 5 hours internet research and narrowing down my choices. Now I've narrowed even further. Here are the finalists:

Mazda3s 4-door

Honda Civic EX

I'm currently leaning toward the Mazda3s because its a it more powerful and much better tuned than the Civic. It's quieter and the a more "fun" ride in my opinion. But the Civic gets about 5 more mpg on either end and is considered one of the most reliable cars on the market and has won tons of awards. But Civics are also in higher demand and cost more as a result. I'm not deciding today, though. There's plenty of time. Oh I'm also going to going to go test drive a Scion tC sometime soon. Its the only one I narrowed down to that I haven't gotten to drive yet, so I guess we'll see.

As far as options, they both come with sunroofs standard. The Mazda3s also comes with a 6disc changer. It's also got an autostick feature which is an automatic transmission but allows the driver to control the gear shifting if he chooses. Both have MP3 plugs which is nice. I'll probably be going with black for my color.

Anyway, that's about it. Talk to ya later!

~Peace

Rod Roddy, tell him what he's won!

2006-02-17T20:08:00.000-05:00

Mood: I don't even know how to describe it.
Music: Foo Fighters

A brand new car!

I just got back from dinner at Regas with my parents and grandparents. They took my out to dinner tonight to celebrate winning my first acceptance/assistantship for graduate school. We're just sittin there talking when my Granddad just sort of out of the blue tells me that they're really proud of me and that when I graduate there will be $20,000 for a new car waiting on me!

I was floored.

I had no idea this was coming! I didn't even know how to respond. It's rare that I'm strap for something to say, but this was one of those times. I'm not even sure I formed a coherent sentence.

See, I've never had a car that was less than ten years old. I've also never had one that was smaller than a full-sized four-door sedan (an 88 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, a 92 Cutlass Sierra, and a 94 Chevrolet Caprice, the latter of which is a friggin' land yacht that barely fits in my apartment complex's garage). So for once I get to own a car made in the same decade in which I'll be driving it, and it won't have to be so big it can't be steered. I may even be able to parallel park whatever it is I end up getting lol.

So now I'm tasked with the problem of actually picking out a car. Not a bad problem to be sure, heh. I have no idea what I want. I've never thought about it 'cause I never really thought I'd be able to afford a new car anytime in the near future.

So I'm open to suggestions lol. My requirements are basically long-lasting, good gas quality, and cruise control. Heh, yes my standards are pretty low, but considering what i've been driving until now, it shouldn't come as a surprise.

Man, I just don't know how my week could get any better. I guess maybe the car could come complete with a few playboy bunnies, but since the odds of that happening aren't so hot, I'll settle for a cute co-ed with an intellectual curiosity lol j/k.

Alright, I'm going to go net surfing for my new car and see what's out there.

~Peace

Accepted: NCSU

2006-02-14T14:40:00.000-05:00

Mood: Exuberant, Jubilant!
Location: Class, but since I just got the e-mail telling me, I can't concentrate on the teacher anymore lol.

Where: North Carolina State University - Raleigh, NC
National Rank: 46th best Sociology program in the country
Personal Rank: 4th of 10 applied to
Program: Master of Science in Sociology enroute to Ph.D.
Funded: YES
Type: Teaching Assistantship
Funding: Tuition, Stipend, Insurance, Laptop, Some Travel
Duration: up to 6 years

This is the first one I've gotten, and I'm so excited I can hardly bear it! Its just a huge wave of relief. They say waiting on acceptances is the hardest thing any aspiring grad student will go through, and I can certainly agree. Now the pressure is finally off. I've still got 9 other apps out, but at least now I know that I can go somewhere that I really wanted to go to next year and not have to settle for something less.

I get recognized in the strangest places...

2006-02-13T20:28:00.000-05:00

Mood: Quite Content
Currently Reading: The Great Santini by Pat Conroy and re-reading Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken

...And by the most unexpected of people, too.

So I went up to Gatlinburg today thinking this would be great weather to get a few runs in. I left right after my classes ended at 1, thinking that I'd have a pretty good run for a Monday afternoon without too many other people around.

What I failed to realize was that Sevier County Schools had been closed today, so every HS student within 50 miles had converged on Ober, claiming the slopes for themselves. The place was jam packed.

Still, the weather was great, and the back slopes had been opened for the first time all season, so I got about five runs in til I took a spectacular fall off the first turn on Bear Run, going completely airborne for a moment, landing on my back and sliding about a hundred feet.

I wish I'd had a camera.

I was fine, but those around me weren't so sure, and about four people came over to check and make sure I was okay. I told them I was, and then one, a cute co-ed, said, "Hey, I know you." I told her I doubted that while I put my skis back on. But she insisted she did, but couldn't remember from where. I told her and the others thanks for checkin' on me and went on my way.

I got a couple more spill-free runs in when I was assaulted by the girl again standing in line for the lift. "I remembered! You're Jon Fish!" I asked her how she knew that and she said she'd read (and loved hehe) my columns. I assumed she went to UT (she looked about my age), but she mentioned that she was just a senior at Gatlinburg-Pittman High (but 18, I checked heh). I asked how in God's name she could know who I was and she said her sister always brought The Beacon home on weekends.

So, apparently Gatlinburg High chicks are reading my work. I dunno whether or not to be flattered or creeped out (but I went with the former this time).

Oh yeah, I feel the need to share this; it was kinda funny. But I should give some background probably. I told John in the fall that since this was my last year I'd be trying my damnedest to sneak something past him, but then promptly forgot my promise til this past week when my column was due. So I thoguht I'd give it a shot since I'd lulled him into a false sense of security, or so I thought. Here's the e-mail he sent me today:

Lax as I may be some days, I do edit things, and I think I should inform you that "pussies" doesn't fit in with our editorial guidelines. Otherwise, good work
John Carruthers
Editor-in-Chief, The Daily Beacon

Dammit all! He caught me! Bah! Sigh...ah well. See if you can figure out where that word was supposed to be, lol.

Alright, that's all for tonight I suppose. Cya later, all!

~Peace

Random Quoted of the Day: Shut Up! -Bill O'Reilley every time someone disagrees with him, especially if they're right. That, and Turn off his mic!

Happy VD!

2006-02-12T21:19:00.000-05:00

Mood: Bemused
TV: Family Guy

Okay, forgive me for the title, I just couldn't help myself. :)

Aaaaaaanyway,

It's that time of year again where corporate America wrings every last cent out of poor, hapless males by manufacturing a holiday whose sole intention is to make money and get guys in trouble for not remembering it.

Just kidding!

That's right, Valentine's Day is right around the corner. I never know how to feel on Valentine's Day. It usually depends on if I'm dating someone or not. In the past if I was single on VD, I'd usually feel a little lonely...okay, right up until the point that I see how guys get worked over and basically become a woman's bitch. Then I usually feel pretty good about being single.

Then if I'm dating someone, well, I usually become that bitch. Meh, I figure "What the hell, it's one night. Then I don't gotta do it again for another six months til her birthday." Heh, j/k.

In general, I'm usually okay with the holiday no matter where I am, woman-wise. I don't mind being that bitch or being single. There's benefits and disadvantages to each. For example, being single currently, I know that I won't have to empty my wallet. On the other hand, I'll be sleeping alone Tuesday night. Eh, I can deal with either.

So, what will I be doing? Well, I was given a couple of free tickets to UTs performance of "The Vagina Monologues" at the Clarence Brown Theater, and having never seen it, I kinda wonder what they hype is all about. It looks like it could be pretty interesting, and who doesn't love Paglia-esque feminist sexual conquest?

Alright, maybe not.

Dunno who wants the other ticket, but since I'm sure as hell not gonna give it to another dude, all my female friends are gonna be bitch-slapping their boyfriends all evening long, and it'd be a little weird to invite someone on a first date to see this show, I guess I'm going solo. Meh, I'll just be the creepy guy who shows up by himself in the midst of 80% women and the other 20% of men who were dragged there by their girlfriends heh. I can deal; last time I checked, I don't tend to care what everyone else thinks of me lol.

Hrm, I dunno what else to say, so I guess that's about it. Alright, back to Family Guy. Have a happy VD everyone!

~Peace

Random Quote of the Day: A plan? Aw man, I hate plans! That means that we're gonna have to do stuff! Can't we just have a goal or a mission statement? -Pvt. Tucker, Red vs. Blue

How To Argue

2006-02-07T16:25:00.000-05:00

Mood: Content
Music: Reel Big Fish

Occasionally when I write something pretty controversial (like today) and pull it off well, I get questions like "How do you know how to argue? How'd you learn? Did you take any writing/debate classes? etc."

Well, the short answer is "No." I've never taken a debate class and the only english classes I've taken since being here were freshmen english and two fiction writing classes; hardly conducive to effective argumentation.

I never really thought about how I learned to argue, honestly. It just kinda came naturally I guess. But there are some tips and tricks that I've picked up in my time, and I suppose that I don't mind sharing them. But remember, this is how I approach my columns, and generally how I approach public speaking and debate. These ideas aren't necessarily how one might approach a thesis or research paper, but some of the ideas could be helpful if tempered some.

Anyway, bearing these things in mind, I present, in association with Jon Fish Publications (shameless plug!), a work in process entitled:

Tips and Tricks: An Incomplete Guide to Argumentation and Debate
by Jon Fish

#1 You Are Always Right!
This one seems obvious, but you'd be amazed how difficult it is for people to internalize this rule, and I can't stress it enough.

To argue well, you must know that you are right without question. It's a requirement.

Now that doesn't mean you can simply form an opinion and just go from there bullheadedly without looking at other information. You MUST be well-informed. This means knowing your side IN ADDITION to your opponents' views. In fact, you should probably know your opponents' side better than your own so you know how to attack and systematically subvert their arguments. Plus, there's also the chance that they could end up being right, at least to a point, and you may need to augment your belief to effectively stand up to their assaults.

The golden rule to keep in mind is that when the emperor looks naked, the emperor IS naked. He isn't wearing invisible clothes. So don't contradict fact or insurmaountable evidence no matter how much you believe something to the contrary, because you'll just end up looking stupid in the end.

#2 You are talking to people
This is another pretty easy one, but one I had to learn for myself in the beginning. When trying to reach an audience (as opposed to, say, impressing a professor), you want them to be interested, intrigued, or so mad that they can't stop reading.

Since you are trying to reach people, talk to them like people. If they wanted to read a research paper, they'd spend their day in the library. Humanize your arguments and tone so that people can become endeared to them. A statement could be powerful and profound, but if you present them like the tax code then nobody's gonna understand, much less care.

Talk in a conversational style. Use human words like "gonna," "ya," etc. And don't be afraid to use contractions. All people do, and it sounds like a person is talking to them in their mind's voice when they read it. It's all part of the psychology of learning.

But don't be afraid to use "big" words or complex ideas. You don't have to dumb down your argument to make it human. In fact, using complex ideas and terminology while speaking to your audience like a normal person adds pathos to your argument and gives it credibility.

#3 Humor!
Nothing breaks the ice like a good joke. This goes right along with humanizing your arguments. People make positive emotional connections when they laugh, even if they disagree with something (more psychology of learning), and thus are more willing to listen.

Also, if you know there's going to be defiant opposition, light insult humor at that group helps pull moderates and undecided opinions to your side with a good laugh, and it also leads into my next point...

#4 Hipocrisy and Omissions
An insult is usually attributed to either an omission or a hipocrisy, the former being the lesser offense in an arguement, but you can use both of these to your advantage.

First, in always being right, make sure that you actually ARE always right, at least inasmuch as your argument extends. If you aren't, scale back the claim some or choose your wording carefully to elucidate a similar idea.

Do not, under ANY circumstances, be hipocritical!

This is the death blow to any argument. Likewise, while going over your opponents' arguments, look for hipocrisies they may have missed and use them to your advantage. You can use a hipocrisy to refute anything else they may say on an issue. It's always fun to see someone when their argument comes crashing down around them because of a fatal oversight.

#5 Practice!
What can I say? This is the best way to improve. I go back and read some of my columns from my first semester with The Beacon and cringe. But having written weekly for two years and getting praise and criticism on a regular basis has vastly improved my skill. Nowadays I'm confident that my message is there and that my argument is usually air-tight. Even though people can disagree and their arguments can be just as sound as my own, its often very difficult to argue with my logic simply because I've practiced so much. So practice, practice, practice!

There's way more to say I'm sure, but I've got work to do. However, (shameless plug time again) if you would like help on argumentation and debate, help writing and developing your writing skills, or just proofreading of your class papers and such, feel free to contact me at Jon Fish Publications and we'll see what we can do to help.

Anyway, that's about all this week, friends.

~Peace out, yo

Another great week begins: a new column slot and more!

2006-01-30T16:42:00.000-05:00

Mood: Happy
TV: Star Trek: The Next Generation

My great week continues!

Well I was down at The Daily Beacon today and I was talking to Zach Zoeller, the Entertainment Editor, about starting up a new segment on video gaming. Well, long story short I got offered a second weekly column dedicated to video gaming, gamer culture, and the industry as a whole.

I'm really pretty psyched about it. I love writing my politics column for The Beacon, but I'm afraid that it misrepresents me as a person. That's kinda why I started this blog; so people could see the human side of Jon Fish. Anyway, this is my opportunity to do something more light and entertaining and fun, instead of having to be so serious and cynical all the time.

But don't worry, no regular columnists have been bumped or anything. This column won't be appearing on Page 4, but rather in the Entertainment section of the paper. It's not certain yet, but it looks like it'll be every Thursday, with my first piece going out this week (Don't hold me to that, though. The piece will be ready, but it's pretty short notice and we dunno for sure what day we wanna put it on or when we're gonna start it).

And I'll also still be doing my weekly political and social issues pieces every Tuesday on Page 4 just like before. Your regularly scheduled programming will not be interrupted in any way; this is jsut something new and exciting for you to pick up and peruse.

Anyway, unlike my other columns, this one will be dedicated to the readers, actively seeking out reader opinions on whatever issues we end up discussing and giving the audience the chance to control the content. So if you're interested in gaming, make sure you write me and let me know what you think!

Anyway, I'm really excited about it, but I'm under a deadline for tomorrow to pound out my second column for the week lol, so I'd better get to it! Talk to ya later!

~Peace

Not-So-Random Quote of the Day:
"Men, we lead those dumb bugs out to the middle of nowhere to keep them from getting their filthy claws on Earth, but we found something that they're so hot for that they're scrambling all over each other to get to it. Well, I don't care if its God's own anti-son-of-a-bitch machine, or a giant Hula Hoop—we ain't gonna let 'em have it! What we will let 'em have is a belly full of lead and a pool of their own blood to drown in!" -Sergeant Johnson, Halo

Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge - What the hell?

2006-01-29T19:37:00.001-05:00

Mood: Exhausted but Exhilerated
TV: King of the Hill

Had my second Skiing class today, so that meant another trip up to Ober Gatlinburg. But on the way up, I'm always struck by how crazy, in a very stupid sort of way, a place like Gatlinburg really is. So without further ado I present:

Gatlinburg: What the hell?

As seen on TV for a reason...

Technically this is still in Sevierville, but this is where it begins. I dunno if you can read it, but this is not just any As Seen On TV Store, it's the world's largest As Seen On TV Store. I'm sorry, but I just can't let this slide. What the hell, Sevierville? What the hell?

The Passion of the Almighty Dollar

Now Pigeon Forge has a ton of awful theatres that no self-respecting individual goes to, but this is just too much. As if Mel Gibson's crappy movie wasn't bad enough, Pigeon Forge has decided that it's their turn to exploit faith for money and provide a never ending Pasison play for everyone. Have they no shame? What the hell, Pigeon Forge?

Mindless Tourist Crap

Who pays for this stuff? I mean really. Earthquake? Star Cars? What the hell, Gatlinburg? What the hell?

Easy Listening Cafeteria

I remember when Hard Rock Cafes were few and far between, and actually had decent stuff to show. Now I can't wait to get there and see Brittany Spears's gold record or Janet Jackson's malfunctioning wardrobe. What the hell? Who took the hard rock out of Hard Rock? I'll bet I couldn't hear the Ramones or the Stones in a place like this if my life depended on it.

Like riding the subway in Los Angeles

This is the Sky Lift. It goes up, then comes back down. You don't get off. You don't stop. You go up, and come back down. That's it. It doesn't go anywhere. What the hell is this supposed to be anyway?

King of the Ironies

Thankfully, Ober Gatlinburg was blissfully free of the what the hells, save for this one. The waterslide right behind the ski school just seems apropos, in the fifth dimension maybe.

King of the What the Hells

There's so much what the hell to ask here I dunno where to begin. First off, why does the Ripley corperation/company/whatever build an aquarium. Aren't they basically the Barnum and Bailey of the modern world? Jeez. And why Gatlinburg? Lets take all these tropical fish and stick em in the coldest place in Tennessee, even though we already have a massive aquarium (that is, thanks to this place, on the verge of bankruptcy) an hour away in Chattanooga? There are only three words to describe this: What the hell?

Skiing Pics

God I love skiing. I had a great week last week, and starting off this week like this is just leading up to another good one methinks. Man I had a blast. Here's some pics:

From the Chair Lift

Sliding down the slope.

Keeping balance while going down a hill at 30 mph and taking a picture of yourself is hard.

I had a great day. Man skiing is so fun. Alright, I'm off, cya later everyone.

~Peace

PS Fewer bruises this week. Just a big one on my right hip. We were working on high speed turns and, well, I'm alot better at right turns than left turns lol.

Random Quote of the Day:

Everybody's doin' the Fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - "Trendy" Reel Big Fish

Another Great Week

2006-01-27T14:33:00.000-05:00

Mood: Happy, Excited
Music: Counting Crows

I must be the only one not currently suffering from the effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder lately (you know, that depression that people get in winter because of a lack of sun exposure that makes them all cranky and moody). I say that because people everywhere seem to be on a hair trigger or just extremely sensitive. Misunderstandings, flaring tempers, and just general sadness seems to be permeating all my friends. Hence why I'm listening to Counting Crows; "Long December" just seemed appropriate, despite the fact it's January now lol.

But I've had one spectacular week. I've just been in an awesome mood all week long, and I don't even know why. Good things have happened, but nothing to really put me in this kind of mood I don't think.

One such occurrence has been the submission of my final graduate school applications. They just went in the mail today. Finally, it's out of my hands now. I applied to two top 10 schools, three top 25 schools, and five top 50 schools (exclusive, ten in all). I know, it seems ambitious, but dammit "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggoneit people like me!" Heh, sorry, old SNL flashbacks. I'm pretty sure that I'll get funded from at least a couple of these places, and it's just so rewarding to realize that I'll finally be getting paid to study and teach what I love. It's an exhilerating feeling!

Another good thing has been just people on the streets this week. Four times this week I've been stopped by random people while walking between classes who have all just want to tell me how much they love my work with The Beacon and that they always pass my columns around to their friends and co-workers. This isn't uncommon, but the sheer number of times this week has been significant by comparison. Nothing gives ya that sense of accomplishment about your work quite like a compliment from a stranger on the streets.

Hrm...what else?

Oh yeah, there is of course the new toy, the X-Box 360, which I wrote about on Wednesday (see below). It's turned me into a total vegitable these past two days lol, but damn its so fun. Kameo is still great, and I actually sat down and played Condemned for a decent amount of time yesterday, and it got really good really quick (I'm bumping it's grade up to a B+ hehe).

I also came to the realization that this is the first semester in four years that I've not had a major research paper due in any class. I don't mind them usually, but it is nice to have it easy on the homework this last semester before I have to dig in hard for graduate school. It's also the first semester that I don't have a class in HSS since I've been here I think lol. It feels weird to not have to spend each day in that funky-looking building with no supplies made before V-E Day. I'm actually in decent accomidations this semester, like Stokeley Atheletic (surprise of surprises the atheletic department is well-maintained lol).

Anyway, all these things are cool and really great and all, but I'm usually a subdued, hard to impress person. But I've just been upbeat all week long. Even before this stuff started happening I was uncharacteristically excited and cheerful (not that I'm usually unhappy or whatever - bah you know what I mean lol!) I'm starting to wonder if someone's been slipping something in my Diet Dr. Peppers this week...

Ah well, not like I'm gonna complain hehe. Well that's about all for nowI think. I guess it's time to start cleanin' up. I've got dinner with a friend tonight followed by a poker game with a group of buddies whom I plan on taking for every dime they have lol, plus a few errands to run in the meantine, so I guess I should start gettin' ready. Until later everyone!

~Peace

Random Quote of the Day:
"That's a negative Ghost Rider, pattern is full, over." -Top Gun

leet X-Box 360 pwnz joo

2006-01-25T21:59:00.000-05:00

Mood: Happy
TV: Kameo intro on loop while I type

Alright, that's about the extent of my gamer vocabulary, and I'm not even sure I used it right.

Anyway, I finally got a call from EB; my X-Box 360 preorder came in.

It's fantastic.

It's incredibly user friendly and you can also download all sorts of old arcade games, movie and game trailers, interviews and previews, and other upgrades for free, or if you want you can pay a little extra ad download some complete games and other things. It's really cool.

The box itself is deceptive. Its smaller than the original X-Box (though still larger than the PS2) but it weighs just as much, if not more. One of the coolest parts is the completely wireless concept. The only cords are power and TV plugs. It wirelessly connects to my router and has wireless controllers, which is just cool.

Anyway, I went ahead and splurged and got two games with it; Kameo: Elements of Power and Condemned: Criminal Origins.

Kameo is really cool. You're a sort of elf/wizard/faerie-type thing that, as she collects new spirits, can shapeshift into about a dozen different creatures with unique powers and abilities. It's an over-the-shoulder adventure/RPG title with rich, expansive, and very colorful and well designed maps and creatures. It reminds me of The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask for N64, which was incredible, but with ten times the depth and size, which is saying a ton if you ever played it. The combat is dynamic and the problem-solving and story elements are very well done. The graphics clearly aren't pushing the system to its limits, but it still looks better than any game produced on any other system to date (PC excluded of course). Textures and details look simplistic from a distance, but as you zoom in, you see how much detail is in every aspect. In short, Kameo is fantastic. Grade: A

Condemned is a unique twist on the psychological thriller/survival horror genre pioneered by the Resident Evil and Silent Hill series (the latter of which is far superior hehe). The twist with Condemned is that it's a first person game, allowing for more dynamic, faster-paced action than previously seen in the genre, save for perhaps F.E.A.R. (which was decent, but got very old very quick, and was much more focused on the action than the thriller aspect). Condemned seems to have found a perfect blend between fast paced-action and complex, involved story and horror. I haven't had much time to play it as I've been enthralled with Kameo, but its a solid game. The graphics in this game are exceptional, probably the best I've ever seen on a console. Lighting and shadows are dynamic, there are no pixels or jagged edges anywhere, cloth looks and moves like real cloth, water reflects light and shadow, and the textures are painstakingly well done. It looks phenominal. The game has been a little slow so far, but I have high hopes. It's not quite as good as Kameo, but it's definately got potential. If I ever get around to playing it. Grade: B

Alright, I've been here too long and not playing my X-Box. I love you guys, but I mean come on, it's X-Box 360! Lol

~Peace

Skiing = Hella Fun

2006-01-22T18:26:00.000-05:00

Mood: Happy
Music: Hootie and the Blowfish

I just went skiing for the first time today. It was frickin' awesome! I thought it'd be really hard, but it wasn't bad at all and I had a ton of fun. And the best part is that I'm gettin college credit to do it. Man you just can't beat that.

Anyway, here's what I learned:

Turning is Counterintuitive

It's hard to get used to. You put your weight on the foot opposite the direction you wanna turn. It was weird.

Pizza / French Fries

Hehe anybody see the episode of South Park where they go to Aspen and learn to ski? Yeah, it was kinda like that. They didn't use those exact words, but this was all I could think about the whole time lol.

Gatlinburg "Snow" Hurts

The term snow used very loosely here. It was the consistency of crushed ice. What we were skiing on was like fiberglass on the hands. Don't leave any skin exposed lol.

Bruises
I got a nice collection today. Both knees, left lower abdomen, both hands. It was great.

Alright, that's about all. I can't wait to go back next week. Til then,

~Peace

What I Want

2006-01-15T21:45:00.000-05:00

Mood - Introspective
TV - Firefly

I got in a fight with a friend the other day. She was rather upset with me for two reasons that I could discern from the three hours this discussion lasted:
1. I don't take my writing seriously (in reference solely to my work at the Beacon)
2. I don't live up to my potential

It really got me thinking about myself, and why I do the things I do. So now I think I will address the latter claim, as the former is a direct derivative thereof.

I don't live up to my potential. And I am happy that way. I see people who push themselves, to succeed at all costs and reach their highest potentials, and then I see myself, and realize that if I pushed myself to these extremes, I could attain much more.

But when I look at these people, I rarely see anyone who is happy. I see people who are constantly under stress, the weight of the world bearing down on them. Or I see people who only want to work, never engaging in a life beyond their calling and unable to take pleasure in the simple things in life, alienating friends and family and eschewing all hopes of finding someone to care about them. Or I see people for whom success, money, and power are no longer an end, people whose only goals are to acquire more wealth and prestige, and willing to step on anyone to get to it.

I don't want to be one of these people.

My desires are simple, and I want for little. What few desires I have I work extremely hard for, and that generates within me a sense of accomplishment. But I'm not a vain person. I do not feel the need to flaunt my accomplishments or my ability to succeed. Hell, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do was write a Letter of Intent for grad schools basically prostituting myself and selling these schools on my best attributes. I do what makes me happy, not what will make me popular, win me awards, or garner me unfathomable power or wealth. These are things I simply do not care about.

What I Want (Short Term)
-To graduate from UT Cum Laude
-To be accepted to an upper tier Ph.D. program in Sociology with full funding.
-To win a Teaching Assistantship at my new school
-To thank the people that have made me who I am and helped me get to where I'm going, and to make amends to the people I care about whom I may have hurt along the way
-To enjoy my last semester in Tennessee and as an undergraduate by doing as many things I may have missed out on as a college student

What I Want (Long Term)
-To earn a Ph.D.
-To become a professor
-To write at least semi-professionally
-To publish a novel
-To find a woman I want to spend my life with
-To die peacefully, knowing I've atoned for my regrets and dedicated my life to helping people

What I DON'T Want
-To be rich
-To be famous
-To be powerful

My desires are simple, and while some of them are high aspirations, they are hardly for vanity or power, and my dedication to them helps to ensure that I will achieve them But do I want more for myself? No.

Contentment is a rare thing in this world. Very few people are ever happy with their lives. I have certain desires in my life right now that are not met. I'd like to find a significant other. I'd like to get a new car. I'd like to have less free time and more social interaction. But even without these things, I am content right now.

I think drive and desire are corruptive, as are the rewards that they can yield. If everyone could learn to be content with what they have, there would be much less conflict and suffering in the world.

~Peace

The Spring Lineup

2006-01-07T02:01:00.000-05:00

The Spring lineup for the Daily Beacon Editorial Columnist Staff came out today, just thought I'd keep ya abreast of the happenings on Page 4 this semester.

Monday
Eric Harkness
Will Hamilton *
Daniel Ferguson *

Tuesday
Jon Fish
Sarah Pevey

Wednesday
Scott Hendrix
Jeff Cohran*
Nate Arthur*

Thursday
Crystal Humphrey
Michael Lumley *
Chris Hedgepeth *

Friday
Weslie Jarvis
Kathleen Benton

(* bi-weekly columnists)

There's been some very positive changes in the lineup. My friend and moderate conservative Crystal Humphrey has been promoted to a weekly slot from her bi-weekly position last semester, as has excellent writer and moderate liberal Scott Hendrix.

Also, wry wit and cynical pragmatism has been condensed to a single day, as my good friend and moderate conservative Sarah Pevey and I will be duking it out every Tuesday on the same page. We will also be attempting a new Point/Counterpoint style every few weeks where we'll both tackle opposite sides of the same issue, so be sure not to miss that!

We've got a great deal of talent this semester on the Editorial Page. I'm also looking forward to see what our newest faces, Michael Lumly and Kathleen Benton, have to say, so be sure and check them out as well as returning to your favorites from the past.

Have a great semester and keep reading!

What I've done with my winter break

2006-01-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

Mood: Bored
TV: Ghostbusters

Winter break is over half over (heh, weird sounding). I've been exceptionally bored. There's hardly anything going on, but I figure what the hell, let's look at what I've been up to.

1. Grad School Apps.
This has been the one thing I've actually done with my life these last couple weeks to improve myself. Writing people and trying to tell them why they should give you money and pay for your education is hard. It's like prostitution, only with words. See, prostitutes work together, but grad school candidates are constantly gouging each other in the eyes trying to make themselves look better than everyone else. Viscious bastards. I'm just not the competitive type. Guess I'd better sharpen my broadsword.

2. Strip Clubbing
Heh, I know I just wrote about it. But it was funny. Kinda tragic, but funny nonetheless. My buddy wrote about his perception of the experience, check it out here.

3. Catching up on my movies
God I'm so bored. This has been the predominant activity as of late. Currently in theaters, I can recommend the following:

Syriana
From the makers of Traffic, another excellent film, Syriana tells the full-course story of the effects of the oil industry on the world. It deals with how the government ends up fighting itself by investigating illegal oil trading on the one hand while supporting such trades for improving the economy on the other. Then it talks about the role of the intelligence community in perpetuating the economic elites' agenda by eliminating threates to the continued exploitation of the oil-rich nations. And finally, we get to see the the effects on the people within these countries, and the creation of terrorism as the only percievable means for resisting this exploitation. Phenominal movie. A+

The Producers
Seen it twice now and I can safely say that Mel Brooks is a genius. For those that don't know, The Producers is a film about two Broadway producers (Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick) who discover that its possibly to make more money by overselling shares in a play that flops than it is to create a success. So they go looking for the absolute worst play in history, and find it in a musical entitled "Springtime for Hitler" written by a Neo-Nazi (Will Ferrel). After finding the most flamboyantly gay director in history, they are all set up for the play to bomb. Unfortunately for them, it becomes a success as a tongue-in-cheek comedy! The two face jail time for fraud and everything just kinda goes to hell. Absolutely hilarious. A

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Seen this one twice, too. Another good installment in the Harry Potter series. Unfortunately, it suffers from some pacing issues. Everything is too fast. They just tried to cram so much into a hardline 2.5 hour time limit, and it just got tedious. But the acting is superb and the actors keep getting more comfortable in their roles. The plot itself is also very good, though it did get a little bogged down in the melodrama Ron/Hermione relationship thing. And I hadn't read the book so I didn't know Harry had a thing for asian chicks lol jk. Though the third one is still my favorite, this one is quite good too. B

4. Dating Scene
It's funny, I've dated more people in the last month than I have in the last year. True, for half that year I was undergoing a self-imposed celibacy, but still it's been an interesting month. Granted, save for one, all the girls I've been out with have been little more than a waste of my money (hence why I've seen Harry Potter and The Producers twice now, among other pits I've been pumping cash into). Anyway, I have learned that it hasn't gotten any easier, but that I've gotten alot better at it in my absence.

Anyway, that's about all for now. Cya later!

~Peace

Something you can do with $18...

2005-12-29T22:42:00.000-05:00

Mood: Alright I guess, not great but not bad or anything
TV: Mystery Science Theater 3000 (with Joel, not Mike)

You know, I'm a 22 year old 5th year senior in college, but I still feel like I've missed out on some essiential college experiences. I've never had a one night stand. I've never passed out drunk and waken up in a different state. And I've never been to a strip club.

Well, at least not until now.

I went and got dinner with one of my buddies tonight. We were trying to decide what to do once we got done eating, and somehow we came to the decision that we should act like normal college students and do something like every other college male on earth: go to a strip club.

I still don't know why.

You see, my buddy is gay, and, as has been well-established by my ramblings on this blog, I am insane. We are about as far from normal as one can possibly get. Maybe that's why we did it - to see what normal was like. I dunno.

Anyway, the whole experience was kinda a let down. Now, that's not because the girls weren't pretty. Most of them were very pretty, and some were downright beautiful, but it really just didn't do much of anything for me. Hell, I think my gay friend had more fun than I did (he thinks he found his true calling as a strip club coreographer lol).

I just didn't feel attracted to or aroused by these women. More than anything, I felt pity. When we got in, having paid $10 for cover, we were two of about 7 patrons and 20ish strippers and I had resolved myself not to tip. That quickly changed.

When we sat down, a couple of the girls came and talked to us and told us about the rules (no touching, $10 for a floor dance $20 for table, etc.) then they just started talking to us in a semi-flirtatious way, all in the hopes we'd pay for more. Of course, I'm poor, so that didn't happen. And when they got that, thye just kinda started talking to us normally.

They were quite nice, and I broke down and did end up tipping a couple of the girls when I saw that they weren't making harly any money tonight. They were nice people, and this just happened to be their occupation. Nothing wrong with it. But I just couldn't find myself in the least bit attracted to them, despite how pretty most of them were. I guess I'm just more attracted to a girl for her personality than her looks.

But it was fun just talking with the girls after they realized we didn't have any money. And it was cool hanging out with my friend. It was especially funny to watch the different girls flirting with him because he just had that look of tyring his best not to laugh at them and tell him he's gay.

There were two especially funny highlights. The first came when the one girl that had been sitting with us all night asked if we'd ever seen a pierced...well you know. I mentioned that I had but my friend hadn't. She said "Gimmie a dollar, I'll be right back." I said what the hell and gave it to her. She went and got her friend and gave her the dollar and this girl whips off her pants to show us that, not only was it pierced, but that said piercing glowed in the dark. Now that was funny in itself (how could that possibly be sexy, except maybe in a "Wow that's weird," sort of way?), but then she started talking 90 words per minute and I looked over at my friend and, like through telepathy, we basically told each other the same thing: "Dear Christ she snorted a couple lines of coke before coming down."

The other funny moment was when the girl sitting with us had to go up on stage. She'd been really nice and the tips still weren't that great, so we decided to tip her while she was up before we left. We go down to the stage and she dances for us and I slip a couple bucks in her garter and then she turns to my friend and takes his ball cap off his head and holds it between her thighs while dancing for him. I am doing my damndest not to laugh out loud at this point. It was so funny because she was tyring to be sexy for him, and I don't think it would have even been sexy for me and I'm straight lol. I'll never forget what he said when we left: "I've never been that close to a vagina since I was born. I'm going to go wash my hat in bleach now." I died laughing. Gay guys get all the women I swear lol.

So all in all, it was an interesting night. Entertaining, but ultimately a letdown. I mean sure, I like naked women as much as the next guy (unless the guy sitting next to you is gay), but it just didn't really do anything for me to look at a bunch of random naked people. I think I'd rather be with a girl that I know who's sweet and smart than some random woman who's hot and sexy. I dunno.

Anyway, time to get out of these smokey clothes and into a shower so I don't smell like cigarettes the rest of the night. Talk to ya later,

~Peace

Merry Christmas

2005-12-24T14:37:00.000-05:00

That's right, even us godless liberals can believe, too.

Luke 2, 1-20

1And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.
2(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
3And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
4And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
5To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
6And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
7And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
8And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
9And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
12And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
15And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
16And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
17And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
18And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
19But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
20And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

The Qur'an, Sura 3 42-49

42 Behold! the angels said: "O Mary! Allah hath chosen thee and purified thee- chosen thee above the women of all nations.
43 "O Mary! worship Thy Lord devoutly: Prostrate thyself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down."
44 This is part of the tidings of the things unseen, which We reveal unto thee (O Messenger.) by inspiration: Thou wast not with them when they cast lots with arrows, as to which of them should be charged with the care of Mary: Nor wast thou with them when they disputed (the point).
45 Behold! the angels said: "O Mary! Allah giveth thee glad tidings of a Word from Him: his name will be Christ Jesus, the son of Mary, held in honour in this world and the Hereafter and of (the company of) those nearest to Allah.
46 "He shall speak to the people in childhood and in maturity. And he shall be (of the company) of the righteous."
47 She said: "O my Lord! How shall I have a son when no man hath touched me?" He said: "Even so: Allah createth what He willeth: When He hath decreed a plan, He but saith to it, 'Be,' and it is!
48 "And Allah will teach him the Book and Wisdom, the Law and the Gospel,
49 "And (appoint him) an apostle to the Children of Israel, (with this message): "'I have come to you, with a Sign from your Lord, in that I make for you out of clay, as it were, the figure of a bird, and breathe into it, and it becomes a bird by Allah's leave: And I heal those born blind, and the lepers, and I quicken the dead, by Allah's leave; and I declare to you what ye eat, and what ye store in your houses. Surely therein is a Sign for you if ye did believe;

Merry Christmas, to you and all of yours.

~Peace
Jon

PS And if you're not a believier, then Happy Holidays and have a very Merry "Day that the only thing open are delis, chinese food restaurants, and movie theaters" Day. And as Jon Stewart noted on "The Daily Show," don't forget to spend December 25th, the only federal religious holiday, reflecting on the true meaning of Separation of Church and State.

I Did It!

2005-12-19T19:36:00.000-05:00

Mood: Elated
Music: RBF (natch)

It's over. I took the GRE today. After a week of stress and near non-stop studying, I put myself to the test, and I succeeded. Of course I won't post my score here, but I will say that I am very happy with it, and that it's pretty darn likely I'll be going to a halfway decent school next year. In any event, at least now I can relax some and hopefully enjoy my break.

~Peace

Just a quick note...

2005-12-18T05:31:00.000-05:00

I've started a fiction blog over at http://jfishfiction.blogspot.com where I'll be posting new and old works of original fiction every now and then. I decided it was way easier to update a blog than to post new fiction on my website, so this is where I'm gonna put it from now on. Anyway, we now return to our regularly scheduled programs.

~Peace

I laughed 'til I cried...

2005-12-17T20:59:00.000-05:00

...And that's tragic.

Mood: Exhausted, Stressed
TV: Daria

I dunno why - maybe it's because I'm so stressed from studying for the GRE (over 30 hours since Monday) - but I just couldn't stop laughing when I saw this. I hate this stupid debate so much, and this pretty much personifies how I feel about it. That, and then Jon Stewart had this to say and, well, I lost it. I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering. Yeah, I'll be glad when I get through this GRE and can, ya know, act normal. Oh well, if this thing pays off and I get into a nice school and maybe get some funding, it'll all be worth it - even if I do pull out all my hair before it's over with.

~Peace

It's over!

2005-12-12T17:33:00.000-05:00

Mood: Ecstatic
Music: Reel Big Fish (of course)

It's finally over! After four months of bashing my head against a wall tyring to suffer through this semester, it's all coming to a close. Thank you God!

Twenty-five hours. That's how many classes I took this semester. And having just returned from my last final exam, I can now safely put it all behind me. All that remains is to turn in my take-home essay which is already completed for my Comparative Poverty and Development class, and finish editing my short story for Fiction Writing and im DONE!

Actually, I'm pretty proud of myself. I held down the hardest semester I've ever put in at the Beacon since I started working there (sixteen pieces, and I still managed to answer every piece of hate mail lol), I took 25 hours and did quite well (I'm pretty sure I pulled over 3.5 this semester), and I did some fantastic writing this semester. Some of the stuff I turned out for my Fiction Writing class was pure gold. Maybe I'll post my final short story sometime soon, I'm really proud of it. I just gotta get up the motivation to update my website *groan*.

You know, I would be happier if I didn't have the GRE next Monday. Apparently this test will have a huge hand in dictating where I spend the next five years of my life. Fantastic. I love when live-altering occurrences bear down on me like the grill of a sixteen-wheeler in my rear-view mirror. Ah well, wish me luck!

~Peace

The Commies Are Coming!

2005-12-08T10:58:00.000-05:00

It's funny, the day after I post about Red Dawn being the greatest movie of all time, my buddy John Brown finds a quiz which allows you to find out which Red Dawn character you would be if the Soviets invaded your town. Take a look:

Robert Morris...-The Executioner-...You are loyal
and brave(to a fault) but you are also a
psychotic killing-machine. Seek professional
help NOW! ;-)

Which Red Dawn Character Are You?

Awesome. How ironic - the right wing nutjob gets to be the cool collected "nice guy" leader and the peacenik pinko gets to be the one-man killing machine. On the other hand, I always wondered if I needed professional help. Good thing there are joke internet quizzes to help me figure these things out. At least you know that when the revolution comes, you'll be glad to have me on your side.

~Peace (we're just full of irony today)

What's goin' on

2005-12-07T21:06:00.000-05:00

Mood: Stressed, but happy
Music: Reel Big Fish

I decided it was about time for an update. Nothing big is goin' on lately, but I've got a few small things I can talk about.

First of all is the end of classes. Thank you God. This had been one hell of a semester what with taking 25 hours and all. But I managed to survive and I actually ended up doing pretty well. There's still finals ahead, and studyin' for those is kinda stressing me out some, but not too bad and I'm sure I'll make it though alright.

Also this time of year hearalds the long awaited Beacon break. I've written nonstop for the last sixteen weeks. Tuesday was the ONLY day of the week that didn't get a day off this semester. I even had to write two pieces while I was out of the country lol. I need some time off to recuperate.

This has been a good year at The Beacon so far. We've got a pretty strong lineup of columnists, save for a couple. Some of my favorites are Steven Brooks, Jeff Cohran, Sarah Pevey, Crystal Humphrey, and Patrick Christiana. Steven and Patrick are both graduating this semester, so I'm certainly gonna miss their work and wish them the best in the future. Patrick is going to go do the right thing and take care of his many, many illigitimate children. Good for you, Patrick.

Um, hrm...what else is going on?

Well I went on my first ever blind date last night. I actually wasn't looking forward to it. Ever since I got set up, all my friends have told me nothing but horror stories. But I was pleasantly surprised. She was smart, pretty, and basically everything that everyone said not to expect and we ended up having a good time. I guess they gotta get one wrong every now and then.

Let's see...I recently saw the best movie ever made: Red Dawn. Why is this the best movie in ever made? Because the Soviet Union invades Colorado and the captain of the high school football team leads a group of teenage guerilla fighters against them. There has never been a better movie premise in the history of cinema.

I'm working on grad school stuff pretty fervently these days. Most schools have application deadlines in early January, so I'm planning on getting them done over the break. I hope Georgia or Texas A&M gives me a good present for Christmas this year.

Alright, that's about enough. Time to get back to the grindstone and finish getting ready for finals so I can put this hellish semester behind me.

~Peace out, yo

OMG

2005-12-01T21:40:00.000-05:00

Hahahahahahaha!!!

The Obelisk of Buenos Aires is covered with a giant condom to commemorate World AIDS Day December 1, 2005. According to a report issued by ONUSIDA (UN AIDS), the number of people infected with the HIV virus in Latin America had risen over the last year from 1.6 to 1.8 million. REUTERS/Enrique Marcarian

I realize they're trying to make a statement, but that's just too goddamn funny to take seriously.

Okay, now it's time for the requsite penis joke that this picture demands and that every male will say upon seeing this picture:

"Oh, they make condoms that big? I guess I'll be able to use them now."

See? I didn't want to do it. I just didn't have a choice. I doubt I could fit this one in my wallet though.

~Peace

PS Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Back In Action

2005-11-30T07:43:00.000-05:00

I'm back from Rome, finally. There was a transportation workers strike on Friday and 300 flights were cancelled, so my getting home was delayed nearly two days. But I made it at least.

The trip was absolutely amazing! I've never seen so much art and beauty! I took nearly 400 pictures while I was there. I also kept a blog-like journal while I was there, but since I was largely without internet, I didn't post anything. I'll be posting the journal along with pictures once I go through and edit them. So check back if you're interested.

Otherwise, it's good to be home.

On Vacation

2005-11-17T19:38:00.000-05:00

Hey Everyone,

This is just a reminder, but I'm going to Rome, Italy from Friday, November 19 to Sunday, November 27. There will be columns, but probably no website or blog updates. If you write me I may or may not respond during this time, but I will get back to you eventually I promise. Otherwise, peace out and have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

~Peace
Jon

PS Save some turkey for me. I don't think they celebrate the founding of Plymouth over there...

The Rules - Men's Style

2005-11-16T13:27:00.000-05:00

More Facebookery

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Hahaha! Thank you to whoever for compiling this! I would like to add the folowing:

1. $100 dollars for tickets to a symphony or a play that we don't want to see anyway results in getting boob at the minimum. The extent to where this this encounter ends is variable, but negoitations begin at Second Base. No exceptions.
1. No, we do not think that actor in your favorite romantic comedy is cute.
1. No, we don't care about anything you can tell us about your ex-boyfriend, unless you let him bring another girl into the mix.
1. Video Games came before you, and they will persist long after you. Do not try to supplant them.
1. Yes, I will continue to watch porn. It doesn't mean I don't like you or that you aren't good enough for me. Try to put a positive spin on it instead. Think of it as a break.
1. Poker IS a sport.

I'm sure there's more. I'll write 'em down as I think of 'em Until then!
~Peace

Apparently sex is life affirming. Who knew?

2005-11-13T03:27:00.000-05:00

Mood: Introspective, Disheartened, and Confused
Music: Garden State soundtrack

Been awhile since I've been serious on here. Ah well, I guess it's that time.

I've been going through a bit of shit lately. I had an interesting little fling this summer, and it's been coming back to bite me in the ass as of late. Turns out that women have this tendency to lie. Big fuckin' surprise eh?

Hrm...maybe I should explain; I'll try to do so as succinctly and detail free as possible.

Female friend of mine has a big crush. Me, no real feelings for her besides friends. She says she doesn't care. I, stupidly, believe her (in other words, this was the lie).

Time passes.

I start to feel bad because I begin to realize that I'm probably hurting her. I break it of. She goes ballistic, reams me a new one, and I don't hear from her again for five months.

Time passes.

She calls me recently. Says she wants to talk. I, stupidly, agree (noticing a pattern here...). Maybe I was hoping we could be friends again. I don't like it when people I care about are mad at me.

We talk. I don't think she meant to hurt me, but she somehow convinces me that I was wrong. I don't see how that's possible even now, considering that I thought I made it abundantly clear what was between us, and I ended it because it was the right thing for both of us. She even said she knew that.

So why do I feel like shit? Why do I seem to have lost all confidence when it comes to women? Why do I feel like she has taken my testicles and keeps them in a mason jar under her sink?

I don't know.

I feel like I've done something wrong, though for the life of me I can't figure out what that is. I think I did everything right. I guess it's this feeling of being such a bad person and not being able to figure out why is the reason I'm so confused lately.

I'd never doubted myself before all this happened. Not once. Now I've turned into some pathetic, self-hating, self-doubting, and self-pitying loser. I can't even force myself to approach a woman anymore. I've never been exactly Mr. Outgoing or anything, but dear Christ I feel like a social-sexual enuich now.

What the fuck is wrong with me? What did I do wrong?

Sigh...I dunno. But damn after reading over this I sure feel like a bitch now. I promise that next time I'll put something that doesn't make me sound so pathetic on here. Until then,

~Peace

An Immodest Proposal

2005-11-09T23:03:00.000-05:00

Browsing the Facebook again, friend had this posted on her wall:

Dear Vagina:

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following Reasons:

* I do physical labor.
* I work at great depths.
* I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
* I do not get weekends or holidays off.
* I work in a damp environment.
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
* I work in high temperatures.
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
The Penis

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work eight hours straight.
* You fall asleep after brief work periods.
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
* You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
* You do not take initiative.
* You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
* You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
* You will retire well before you are 65.
* You are unable to work double shifts.
* You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

And if that were not enough, you are constantly seen entering and Exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Vagina

I love the facebook. It's so damn funny sometimes.

~Peace

My Life Starring Jon Fish - Part 1: My Family

2005-11-06T04:01:00.000-05:00

I'm gonna try to start a new fad in the blog world. Everyone's always posting little quizzes and such, so I'm gonna start my own. Basically, you pick who would star in your life if it were a TV show and tell why. Let's see if it catches on. Today we'll just do my family. Later on I'll eventually get to friends, teachers, bosses, etc.

My Family

Dad: Jake Morgendorffer from MTV's Daria

I love Daria. It was arguably the best show MTV ever had, though honestly, that isn't saying much. Jake is absolutely the funniest "dad" character ever created. Despite his seemingly present in a cloud of persistent cluelessness and his tendency to fly into a rage at the mere mention of his father or anything that triggers his memories of military school, Jake is often given to wisdom and really does care abot his family. Besides, it's always fun to have a borderline psychotic for a father.

Mom: Beatrix Kiddo aka The Bride from Kill Bill

Without a doubt, one of the coolest female characters in the history of cinema. Let's put it this way: I'd never disobey if she were my mom. Plus I figure she could teach me some cool shit with a katana. On the other hand, Uma Thurman is incredibly hot and that might cause some Oedipel issues later on...

Younger Brother: Eric Cartman from South Park

Irreverent. Racist. Biggoted. Retarted. Hilarious. I would want to grow up next to this kid just to see all the crap he gets into, because it really is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Younger Sister: Daria Morgendorffer from MTV's Daria
Did I mention I loved this show? Anyway, when I see Daria I see a reflection of myself as a teenager. Smart, sarcastic, nihilistic, and hilarious. Ah, what I would have done for an intellectual equal in high school like her.

Creepy Uncle: Dr. Strangelove from Stanley Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove

I figure if you're going to have a creepy uncle, you might as well have the creepiest person in cinematic history.

Cousins: Gabe and Tycho from Penny Arcade

Gabe: I did punch a baby once...in anger. In my defense, the baby was being kind of a dick.

Tycho: Some people play tennis. I erode the human soul.

Need I say more?

Alright It's gettin pretty late. I think I'll wrap it up for tonight. Next time: Friends and Neighbors.

Beaten Children

2005-11-01T21:27:00.000-05:00

Breaking News: Custody Battle Knoxville, TN (AP)

A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents. The judge, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible, initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the University of Tennessee Volunteers Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Borrowed from ...committing every artistic sin...

Remember that night...

2005-10-29T19:12:00.000-04:00

Mood: Wistful
Music: Perfect Orange

Three years, five albums, and four cross country tours later, Perfect Orange has decided to call it quits. They, like me, are preparing to graduate and move on to bigger and better things.

Last night was their final concert. It was amazing. Over 200 people showed up to say farewell and hear the guys play one last time. Though the show was great, the evening was an emotional experience for everyone, especially the members of the band and the fans, like myself, that have been following them since day one. I'm really going to miss them.

Perfect Orange was one of Knoxville's most successful and popular local bands. Amongst their many achievements were getting to play a show at CBGB in New York and being voted by readers of the News Sentinel as "The Best Rock Band In East Tennessee."

I love these guys. I practically grew up with them, and we've been friends for a long time. All of the original members went to Powell with me, and most graduated at the same time. I even remember being in kindergarten with Ben their trumpet player.

Seeing them be so successful has been an amazing experience. They really were one of the best bands I've ever seen, and though I probably saw them perform over a hundred times, I looked forward to every concert with excitement and I never tired of their music.

Zac - You are an amazing singer and guitarist and a person couldn't ask for a better friend.
Ben - You're a great guy and a phenominal trumpet player. Good luck at Florida State!
Doug - You've been a great friend Doug. Even though you've only been playing half as long as me, I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you that your a better drummer than I. Keep up the chops, bro.
Travis - The best saxophone player that PHS ever produced. Period.
Doug #2 - You're a great bassist and an all around good guy. Thanks for carrying PO through the last year, man.

Guys, you've been amazing. I don't really know how to sum up except to say congratulations. I love you guys and your music will be missed.

Carpe Diem.

Update: I've poseted several pictures from the final concert on my photojournal. Go check 'em out if you're interested.

Halo 2 is cathartic

2005-10-28T17:08:00.000-04:00

Mood: Content
TV on in the background: Halo 2 introduction video on loop as I forgot to turn off my XBox before I sat down.

I think it is well established that I love video games. I was practically raised on them. While the rest of you were soaking up MTV, I was immersed in violence and death wrought by my own hands. I don't even think I ever watched MTV until my junior year in high school when I discovered Daria, one of the best TV shows ever.

Anyway, when I've had a stressful day or even just a completely boring day when nothing happens, I jsut can't wait to come home and pick up that controller and pound out a level or two of Halo 2. It is, without a doubt, the best first-person shooter ever made. The game has been out almost a year now, and I've probably beaten it over three dozen times, but it's just so fun even now to sit down and play one of those levels for about 30 minutes or so before I get right back to work on homework or writing a column or working grad school stuff. Just that thirty minute break each day is enough to keep me going.

When I have the time, of course, I like to play a great deal more than those thirty minutes. But I find that smashing an elite in the back of the head with the stock of my Battle Rifle or getting those two perfect head shots on a Brute with the Carbine (one to knock his helmet off, the other to lay him out for good) or just opening up on a mass of Grunts with two bullet hoses that are the SMGs, even for jsut a few minutes each afternoon, can really make my day that much better.

I'm not a violent person. I never have been. For example, I don't recall ever getting into a fight in my life. I do like to go out to the range and shoot some occasionally, though I got my fill of that this summer that's for sure. But in general, I've never really done anything violent.

Speaking of not having a transition...

This has been a particularly hard week for me. An ex of mine that subsequently ruined several friendships out of sheer malice has been causing trouble again. Nothing I couldn't deal with, but the simple knowledge that she just can't move on over six months later is stress enough. But it was nice to know that Cortana and Master Chief would be waiting on me when I got home to take all of the day's struggles and help melt them away before I dove right back in to the work that still lay ahead.

~Peace

Falling Behind

2005-10-25T22:26:00.000-04:00

I'm falling behind in keeping this thing updated. Oh well. I've just been so busy lately that I haven't had much time to think about anything.

Sorry.

I guess if you're really that interested in my personal life, you can just ask me. Otherwise, I suppose you'll have to wait 'til I find something interesting to talk about, and the time to do it.

~Peace

The Truth About Whites, Blacks, and Hispanics

2005-10-16T17:36:00.000-04:00

Surfing the Facebook again. Friend of mine had this posted on her profile. Pretty damn funny.

10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not White.
3. Rap music is here to stay
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.
8. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Hickey's are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family
10.Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. O. J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10.Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car

If you're offended by any of this, well then I suppose you need to develop a sense of humor. If ya can't laugh at yourself (or how ridiculous these sterotypes are) then how do you survive?

~Peace

The Catcher in the Teen Melodrama

2005-10-08T21:45:00.000-04:00

I was browsing the facebook and one of my friends had this posted on his wall.

The Catcher In the Rye By J. D. Salinger
Ultra-Condensed:

Holden Caulfield
Angst angst angst swear curse swear crazy crazy angst swear curse, society sucks, and I'm a stupid jerk.
THE END

This is the best synopsis of one of my all-time favorite books that I have ever heard. I dunno the person that wrote it, but she's some kind of genius.

Nietzsche

2005-10-03T13:20:00.000-04:00

"Nietzsche is dead."

-God

Virtue

2005-09-20T15:48:00.000-04:00

Location: Class

Would you consider virtue to be a good thing?

Of course, most of us would. Virtue is almost always portrayed as a positve personality trait. Now, here comes the hard part.

Define Virtue.

It's hard isn't it? I never really thought about it. Virtue is an abstract that realy has no definite meaning, yet it is an admirable trait that everyone agrees is typical of a person with good character.

How is this possible?

For me, virtue is not needing a reason to help others. The virtuous path is merely giving of oneself without expectation; fighting for the rights of others even if you are not one of those affected; helping someone merely because you have the capacity to do so.

In other words, your angry protester, your straight supporter of gay rights, your university professor, your volunteers at a homeless shelter, etc., these are among the most virtuous people on the planet.

Ironic, eh?

Exhausted

2005-09-12T20:35:00.000-04:00

Mood: see title
TV show on in the background: The Daily Show

25 Hours...

That's how many credits I'm taking this semester. 25 Hours...

It's exhausting, it really is. And it's not that the work is overwhelming or anyhting. Hell, 4 of em are PE classes, and 3 of em are pass/fail.

But damn, I've never spent more time in class in my life. Its just weird not having that break in the middle of the day or getting to knock off early.

At least it's not really killing me too badly. I still feel refreshed after the weekend and I'm getting my work done etc., so it's not so bad.

~Peace

The first step is recognizing you have a problem.

2005-08-24T16:02:00.000-04:00

Mood: Happy
Music: Reel Big Fish (seems like every time I post here I'm listening to them doesnt it?)

It's been ahwile since I've updated. Mainly because nothing interesting has happened recently. But I'm feleing bored, so let's get to why we're all here.

Hello. My name is Jon, and I'm addicted to webcomics.

I dunno how it happened really. It probably came about from not having a damn thing to do the past few weeks. I started just by checking out Penny Arcade (arguably the most popular webcomic on the internet). I didn't think I had a problem, but soon I started reading other gaming-related comics, like the always funny Ctrl-Alt-Del, VG Cats, and PvP Online. Soon, one link lead to another and I was hitting general comics more and more, including the ever hilarious Sinfest and Questionable Content. And now I just can't stop.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that there's no such thing as a gateway drug, because one comic just lead to another and another and another.

Hahaha alright. Seriously, theres are some of the funniest comics on the internet if you can tolerate more risque language and subject matter than "Family Circus". *Insert gagging noise here.

I'll share with you some of my favorite moments from these comics:
(You'll probably need to click on the images to read them)

Penny Arcade
About 2/3's of the comics here are gaming related, but some of the funniest ones haven othing to do with video games at all, like this one. The writing and the artwork is amazing. PA is updated MWF.

Ctrl-Alt-Del
Another gaming related comic, except this one revolves more along the lines of a group of gamers and their social interaction with each other (and, of course, the lunatic moron seen here that drives the comic forward). Updates MWF.

VG Cats
One of the best drawn webcomics I've ever seen, VG Cats is a weekly comic dedicated almost solely to Video Game spoofs, like this one pretty accurately describing the violence in Grand Theft Auto.

Sinfest
The first non-gaming related webcomic I got addicted to because of it's absolutely hilarious religious and political satire. The story revolves around a wannabe player and a jailbait hottie and their interactions with each other and God, who, rather than showing his face, frequently employs the use of handpuppets to interact with the characters. Other faces include: The Devil, The Right-Wing Preacher, and a pig which embodies all that is misogynistic. Who couldn't laugh at that premise? Updated daily.

Questionable Content
The newest addition to my list is Questionable Content.
This details the life of Marten his accidental roommate Faye. The story revolves around the humorous love triangle between Marten, Faye, and her best friend, Dora. Lots of jokes about sterotypes and fads, as well as some obscure indie rock references. The writing and artwork is surprisingly well done for a daily comic. The humor is much more subtle than most, and it was hard to get something funny that would make sense up here without reverting to the sex joke. But hey, it's still funny.

Anyway, that's about it for what I've been up to. Hopefully starting school again will take some of this free time off my hands.

Peace

Well, it's official

2005-08-13T02:31:00.000-04:00

Mood: Content
Music: Reel Big Fish (I'm on quite the RBF kick lately)

It's official folks.

I will again be taking up the reigns of political and social issues columnist for The Daily Beacon. My columns will be appearing every Tuesday beginning August 30th.

You can read my past works on The Beacon's website or on my own at <http//web.utk.edu/~jfish>

Thanks to Daily Beacon Editor-in-Chief John Carruthers and congratulations to the other columnists selected this fall:

-Will Hamilton
-Crystal Humphrey
-Daniel Ferguson
-Nate Arthur
-Scott Hendrix
-Patrick Christiana
-Lisa Schol
-Kristin Luna
-Megan Williams
-Jeff Cohran
-Sarah Pevey
-Steven Brooks
-Weslie Jarvis

Over half these guys are relatively new to Page 4, and aside from Nate, Kristin, Megan, and Jeff, I've not seen any of their work before. Graduation left some pretty big holes to fill, including my perennial opponent and friend John Brown. However, according to our editor the competition for Columnist slots was much more fierce than it has been in past years, so the work of the newcomers must be of a superior quality, as evidenced by some previous columnists not selected to return this season. I expect that we'll be a great team and together bring the University of Tennessee an informative and interesting Opinion Page for the fall.

Congratulations and good luck everyone!

PS We have a facebook group called "Beacon Page 4". It's open to anyone and if you ever wanted to talk directly to the columnists and find the phone, e-mail, or letters to the editor too convenient, you can find us there as well.

The Da Vinci Code on Christianity

2005-08-08T05:20:00.000-04:00

Mood: Contemplative
Music: Reel Big Fish

I'm in the process of reading Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code (I know, I'm the last person on Earth to pick it up...if you still haven't read it, there may be a couple minor spoilers below, but since I have yet to finish it, I can't exactly tell you the end or anything). Anyway, Dan Brown is a terrible fiction writer. His characters are hackneyed, trite, one dimensional stereotypes; he has a surprisingly limited, monosyllabic vocabulary; and pardon me if I think that since people have been searching for it for millennia it would be nigh impossible to find the holy grail in a single day.

That being said, this guy is nothing shy of a genius. Just because he doesn't have a predilection for strong writing style doesn't mean in any way that he's not smart. This guy has done his research, that's for sure. And wow can he weave an intriguing plot. He's the type of guy that should come up with ideas and perhaps have a strong influence on plot, but let somoene else do the actual writing of the book (kinda like George Lucas).

Anyway, at one point, Mr. Brown, through his main charactrer Robert Langdon, posits the question: if we could disprove a religion, in this case Christianity, should we do it? On the one hand, Christianity is the world's single most influential faith, causing unimaginable levels of generosity and kindness throughout the world. On the other hand, however, Christianity is also responsible for some of the world's most horrendous atrocities in history (and, in many ways, is responsible for the continuation of many atrocities to this day).

Furthermore, what would disproving Christianity do to the people that followed it? Is it better for them to believe a lie? My experience suggests that the latter is correct.

I should point out if you have read The Da Vinci Code, that none of the facts he cites about the founding of the Christian church are inaccurate. There really were over 80 gospels considered for the Bible at the Council of Nicea, where the Bible was compiled. Further, as Brown states, it was far more widely believed that Jesus was a mere human prophet, not divine in any way. Even the claim that Jesus likely had a wife, probably Mary Magdaline (who really was a princess and descendant of the Tribe of Benjamin, not the prostitue that most denominations suggest she was), while not provable, is much more sound theory and much more widely supported historically than his revered bachelorhood.

There are other facts left out that can also make these arguments more convincing. Though 80 were considered, over 240 gospels were reviewed for inclusion at the Council of Nicea. Also, the dating of the Book of Mark is around 60 AD, Matthew: 70 AD, John: 85 AD, and Luke: 120 AD. So unless Matthew was almost a century old (which is impossible considering the dating of his death) it would have been impossible for him to have written the Gospel According to Matthew. Same with the other Gospels. And don't forget The Revelation of John, but it's even worse than the Gospels, despite being one of them ost widely revered books that many Christians base their faith upon. Some dates don't even put it until the third century, over 200 years after John's death. Also, many documents from that time indicate that The TRevelation story is fiction, an account of how it could happen (much like that Left Behind tripe for a previous age). Martin Luther (you know, the guy that basically is responsible for the founding of Protestantism) was so skeptical of the validity of The Revelation, that he almost didn't even include it in his first translation of the Bible.

Anyway, as I've suggested, there are numerous citations in the real world that discredit Christianity as it is today. I'm not saying that Christianity is wrong (nor is Mr. Brown), I'm merely stating that the problem is that what was meant to be a moral compass guiding by allegory has become accepted by many as literal truth. Jesus existed, he was a very great man, and even I believe that he was a prophet of the One God.

However...

What people like Brown and myself want to do is show people that unwavering faith in an institution created by men is complete lunacy. I have news for all of you: the bible did not fall from heaven pre-bound and written in King James English. Men wrote it, men compiled it, and men interpreted it. This is why I warn constantly that taking someone else's interpretation of the bible as your own is not only insane, but its dangerous.

If you've read your Bible - and I mean really read it, not read it through the lenses of your existing faith or the beliefs of your peers and what you hear from the pulpit - you know for a fact that there are problems with what is printed on those pages; forgetting all the problems with how what is in those pages came to be.

I don't want to disprove Christianity. I think the idea of Christianity is great, even based out of what is in the Bible. The problem isn't even interpretation. The problem is omission; "turning a blind eye" to the parts that contradict whatever your personal beliefs are. let's look at a couple examples:
-Like it or not, Jesus despised the acucmulation of wealth. Those that were not willing to give freely of their posessions and money to the less fortunate, even to the point of their own poverty in his name broke the first commandment, for they place money on a station higher than God's will. Even in his time, Jesus understood that the poor were not poor because of their own failings (while not necessarily being required to wind up impoverished themselves, a the implication is that they would be willing to become poor if asked to).
-The main theme of the Old Testament is judgement. However, the main theme of the New Testament (dare I say, the ONLY theme?) is forgiveness and absolution of sin. Jesus speaks of the evil of condemnation repeatedly; "Why do you point out the the speck in one man's eye, when you do not behold the mote in thine own?" or "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" (paraphrased from memory).

Despite this and many other proofs against the institution of Christianity, the majority of these instituions exist undeterred, though much of that is changing in more progressive denominations such as Unitarians, Presbyterians, and to a lesser extent, Methodists and Catholics.

So is it right to disprove Christianity? Well I guess I should clarify. I don't want to disprove it. I want it to be what it was intended to be, not what it has become. The tragedy is the billions of people who are mislead by the corruption of a few. I think that a Christian should love unconditionally, not tell people they are going to hell. I think that a Christian should be happy with a modest, comfortable living, and be willing to give what excess they don't need to those that do. So that is my crusade, I suppose. Yes, Christianity needs to be disproven in it's current form, not because Jesus didn't exist or that I don't believe in God, but because Jesus's message has been tainted by those that came after.

In closing, I want those of you that might have found the above offensive to ponder one thing before getting angry. If you could prove that Christianity as it exists today was the truth, would you? Of course you would. You wouldn't think twice about it, despite utterly ruining the lives of over 3 billion people who have dedicated their lives to other faiths.

Peace

Self-Destructive Behavior

2005-08-02T18:41:00.000-04:00

Mood: Pensive
Music: Foo Fighters

So here's a question: why is it that people who are upset or feeling down for whatever reason do things to themselves that make them feel worse? Why does the teenage girl that think she's ugly cut her forearms? Why does the guy thats just been dumped go and get drunk? Yeah believe me, scars are sexy and there's nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away.

It boggles the mind.

But of course the last thing I need to do is judge. I probably wouldn't be writing this if I hadn't engaged in my own form of self-destructive behavior as of late. I understand why people do these things to themselves: they think the need to be punished. Cutting, drinking, drugging, sleeping with people you don't care about, anorexia, bulemia, binge eating, (binge anything for that matter), obsessing, etc.

Think about it: if that girl thinks she's ugly, there's really no one to blame that on, so her rationalization is that if there's no one to blame, then it must be her own fault. That's why she cuts on herself right after throwing up that salad. If that guy's relationship is over, he gets drunk because he cared about her, and for her to leave him he must have done something wrong, so it must be time to kick himself in the liver and hope to forget.

There's other reasons too, of course. Drinking to forget is a pseudo-logical response, because memory is hampered, but its only short-term memory. He'll not only remember why he was drinking the next day, but that hangover will be a bitch. That girl might sleep around not because she's a slut or a nymphomaniac, but because she thinks that if a guy wants to sleep with her she must be attractive. Of course she'll eventually decide that he did it because he's a guy, not because she's pretty, and that will just start the cycle over again with the extra added bonus of feeling like a whore now too.

My own self-destructive tendencies aren't even what most people would consider harmful, but, as this blog proves, I am a crazy person (see, for example: A Discourse on Love, How Do Women Do It?, A Question of Ethics, A Question of Ethics: Reprise, Something Isn't Quite Right Here..., or Re: Ethics). I wish to God I didn't have this curse of mine that lets me see every side of a situation and could just enjoy the things in my life like everyone else seems to.

Anyway, I put a stop to it, and now I'm wondering if that in itself was a self-destructive behavior. A part of me enjoyed it. Plus, now people are pissed off at me for, yet again, doing the right thing. Sometimes I wonder how some people justify their reality when they get angry with people for doing what they know to be the right thing.

Now I know how Tycho feels (not that I didn't feel this way already lol).

Peace

My perception of the world

2005-07-20T03:43:00.000-04:00

I was bored, so I made a new desktop. This amalgam (yeah, draw that!) reflects how I percieve pretty much the rest of the world. It looks fine on my widescreen laptop, but probably looks kinda weird on a normal screen. The strips come from my favorite webcomic, http://penny-arcade.com. If you liked em, you should go check 'em out. Anyway, I should probably sleep sometime in the near future. G'Nite.

Ahh...modern conveniences

2005-07-16T21:01:00.000-04:00

Mood: Elated
Music: whatever electronic muzak comes through the speakers

It's finally over.

For the last eight weeks, I've seen hardly anyone but either 14 year old scouts or 40 year old scoutmasters. I've drank nothing but powerade and water. I've eaten little more than high school cafeteria food. I've hardly seen a newspaper, much less been able to get a phone call or plug into the internet. I've worn only canvas uniform shorts and the same three t-shirts over and over. I've slept in a cramped 10x8 room where the power only worked about a third of the time with 2 other guys. Worst of all, I haven't had a good political or philosophical discussion with another intelligent human being since I left.

Now, I can't help but look around and smile with relief.

I'm sitting in a climate controlled coffee shop drinking a fruit smoothie and eating a homemade muffin larger than my head. Not only do I not need to plug in to a phone line, I'm enjoying the fruits of wireless high-speed internet. I'm wearing khaki shorts, sandals without socks, an untucked button-down shirt, and, of course, my leather hat. There are women everywhere I look wearing the usual summer attire, including the one sitting beside me in the low riders and spaghetti straps (thank you God, I'll hit ya back later bro), who also spent the last hour debating what constitutes a justifiable cause to go to war. Finally, probably best of all (well, with the exception of maybe the last sentence), I'll go home tonight to my 800 sq. foot condo with cable, a huge tv, a giant leather couch, central air conditioning, etc., that I live at all by myself.

Ahhhh...feels good.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the Scouts, and I love camping. But I also love modern conveniences. I need my news now. I need to interact with a female on a daily basis for longer than 15 minutes. I need to watch Jon Stewart. And I like blended fruit drinks dammit!

Home sweet home.

Gotta love it.

Respect

2005-07-09T12:59:00.000-04:00

Mood: ...I don't know how to describe it. Been a very hard week, but there's some good too.

Music: Maroon 5

I've lost a lot of respect for a lot of people this week.

#1
First, there's my boss at camp. He took the side of the 15 year old instructor who hasn't been taking his medication and destroyed camp property over the 22 year old director he hired to manage the most dangerous area on camp that has been warning him for two weeks that this kid was a problem. Not only did the kid not get fired, he's stil got a job under me of all things. I just don't see how I can be expected to do my job effectively if my supervisor tells me to do my job but won't do his.

Now I'm sure you're thinking "Well you must've given him a reason to take the kid's side." Well, you'd be wrong. Not only has my record been immaculate this year, but my area is consistently the highest rated area on camp, so I must be doing something right. This man is just so overprotective of this teenager that he wants to protect the kid over running a good, effective program. Well, maybe its just me, but I thought we were here for the 2000 kids that paid to come to camp, not the one staff member who is paid to be there who refuses to take his meds and then destroys camp property. I dunno, it's just a thought.

Furthermore, I don't think he realizes how hard it is for people like me to give up 8 weeks of their summer to come and basically do this charity work because they love Scouting. It's no problem for a fifteen year old to come out to camp for the summer, but for a 22 year old college student, things are VERY different. Not only did I put off graduating for another semester so I could go out there instead of going to school, but I also had to take leave from the paper and turn down a research job that paid ALOT more money (not to mention working alot less time and getting to come home every night). Also, I haven't gotten to spend any time with the people that I care about. Some of my relationships are not in the best of shape right now, and much of that can be attributed to my not being around this summer.

I just think that, in truth, a fifteen year old kid in the Boy Scouts is a common as sand on a beach or a homophobic closeted homosexual Republican politician; but someone who is over the age of 21 (which is required to run the shooting ranges) is much more rare, and he probably still has to make a ton of sacrifices to be there.

I was down there for two reasons: 1) It was fun and 2) I do it for the kids. Well, #1 is fading fast, and I just don't know if #2 is worth screwing up my own life for, especially if they won't support me. I'm doing exactly what they told me to do, and then they get mad at me for doing it justl ike they said. What can you do?

#2
There was a Scoutmaster this past week who knew nothing of me or had even heard of me. Then he finds out in a roundabout way from someone in his troop who has read my stuff that I'm a huge liberal and that I'm hugely against Bush, support gay rights, am pro-choice, etc. So around mid week I start hearing things that people have said that he's said about me. I just blow it off not taking it seriously and really not caring what this guy thinks about me. But then on Friday he turns in his review to the camp director and while still rating my area an 8 of 10 on the survey, he writes out to the side:

"Jon Fish is a terrible teacher and because of his stance on homosexuality his contact with children should be minimized."

Let me translate: because I have views different from his, I am thus a bad person and cannot hope to be any good at my job because only people that believe what he believes can possibly be a good influence on these kids.

Bear in mind, that I had not even spoken to this man. He never even spent any time in my classes. I had to ask someone to point him out to me! Two questions: 1) How he could possibly comment on my teaching ability is beyond me and 2) My personal political and social views, none of which are ever expressed to anyone in my classes, make it unacceptable for me to be a teacher?

Anyone that thinks like that can go fuck themselves. Period.

No, I'll take it one step further. Maybe it isn't me who should have my exposure to children minimized, but rather the closed-minded biggot who should be kept safely away from impressionable youth.

#3
Finally this week, there is the interpersonal issue. I just don't understand why people can't just be honest with each other. You know how it is; you make your intentions perfectly clear, and they tell you what you want to hear despite knowing full well that there is something else they are much more interested in.

I'm not really mad about it, though. Just a little hurt and a little disappointed in them, but I'll get over that I'm sure. In fact, that's how people act alot these days, even friends. They know that you'll forgive 'em. Hell, they're you're friends after all. But why do it in the first place? Why not just be up front and honest?

I dunno.

In Conclusion...
It's just these kinds of things that have really got me wondering: do we really respect each other so little that we will say whatever we want to protect ourselves and get what we want, no matter how much it hurts someone else?

More and more, the answer is begining to look like a resounding and emphatic "yes". I'm not that way, at least I don't think I am. For example, I'm currently debating the ethics of sleeping with someone whom I have no feelings for, have told her as much, and despite these things, she still wants me to come see her every weekend. Nobody gets hurt and its a win for everyone, right? Then why the fuck does it bother me so goddam much?! I'll bet that it has something to do with the fact that I care about other people and I'm not stupid enough to believe that even though she says that its okay, she's not telling the truth.

I know I say alot of bad things about alot of people, but bashing the faceless right-wing nutjob is alot different than stabbing someone who has either earned the implicit trust of Scouters to run the most dangerous area of a summer camp, been commended for his teaching ability and recognized for his dedication to one of the most beneficial non-profit organizations in the world, or just been a friend who thought he had earned some modicum of honesty as such.

But I'll get over it. The world isn't perfect, and neither is it's people. I'm not mad at any of these people or anything. Hell, social theory would tell me that they didn't even really make the choice to do these things. Rather, society has trained us to strive for their own benefits, no matter the cost to others. Thats basic capitalism, after all. Kill or be killed, survival of the fittest, and everyone for themselves. Now I don't know if I believe that story or not, but I wasn't even competing with any of these people, yet they still took the opportunity to cut me down, either to profit something for themselves or to protect themselves emotionally.

Gotta love it.

Re: Ethics

2005-06-22T23:26:00.000-04:00

Mood: Introspective
Music: Maroon 5

It has recently come to my attention that I have a problem:

I am obsessed with ethics.

Well, not really a problem. I just find it fascinating. Its amazing to me how unethical people really are. I'm among them to be sure, but it seems like theres a difference between me and most others in that I am VERY aware of every unethical act I commit, no matter how inconsequential (Just to give you an example, I'm currently debating whether I should save the Boy Scouts money by shopping at Wal-Mart when purchasing stuff for camp on their dime, even though I know it hurts America and the economy and I don't shop there with my own money of which I have very little...yes I think too damn much)

But its very unsettling at times. I find myself feeling like I can't enjoy life as much as other people. Because, even after I argue internally with myself and finally DO convince myself to commit said whatever atrocity that I have convinced myself is wrong, I end up retracing it in my head and, though nothing went wrong, no one got hurt, and nothing bad happened, I always end up losing sleep over it.

It's gotten so bad that I can't even lie anymore, even about little things. I remember with fondness the days when I could tell a teacher that I really DID turn that homework assignment in or say to a girl that the last thing I was interested in was sex (not that its something I expect or anything, but lets be honest: I'm a 21 year old male, its floating around in this giant head of mine somewhere I promise). Those were good times.

A couple weeks ago I faced another ethical dillemma: when one of the teenagers working for me at camp asks how he's doing, should I tell him that he is a worthless waste of my time, his mere presence makes my job take longer than it would were he not there thus leaving me short-staffed, he has an incredible ability to screw up even the simplest of tasks, and that I never want to see him in my area again; or do I tell him he's doing fine while doing my best not to strangle him? You see, if I do the former, I could shatter his fragile teenage self-esteem, but if I do the latter, I'm doing both of us a disservice by lying; me because I'll lose sleep over it and him because he wouldn't know that he was very incredibly bad at his job. Naturally, I was trying to decide what level of mediation between the two answers was appropriate, but all of that was for naught because he answered that question for us when he whipped out his pocketknife and started cutting on the benches on the range for no reason short of being bored, so I just fired him.

Not a great example, but indicative of the crap that is constantly going through my head. So yes I am, for lack of a better term, a crazy person. How other people can commit far more atrocious acts than buying a mop assembled by a phillipino child and sold by a person who has worked at the store for a decade and still only makes a quarter above minimum wage is mind boggling to me. Yet, not only do they do it, they do it without even thinking about it.

Gotta love it.

I was almost shot this week...

2005-06-18T22:08:00.000-04:00

...And no, it wasn't from a reader.

I'm working at a Boy Scout summer camp as the shooting sports director. It's my job, as director, to run the firing line. When doing this, if I see anything wrong, I yell out "Cease Fire", at which point the shooters (should) know to place their firearms down and unload them.

Anyway, I give the ocmmand for the kids to load and fire. I see one kid having trouble loading the rifle. So then I call for a cease fire. No big deal, usually. Suddenly, this one kid, no less than fifteen feet from me turns with his entire body holding the rifle in his hands, the muzzle pointing directly at my chest, and says, "What did you say?"

I was like a deer caught in headlights.

Fortunately, my assistant was walking behind the firing line and was less than five feet from the kid. As soon as he turned, my assistant bolted over and grabbed the rifle, pointing it down range before jerking it out of his hands with one hand and grabbing the kid by the collar of his shirt with the other and almost literally throwing him off the range.

All of this took place in the span of about four seconds. I never believed in the whole "time slowing down" or whatever before then, but I swear those four seconds were like hours stretching out forever. Suddenly, I saw myself signing my contract, then I saw the camp director saying "How would you like to be shooting sports director?" Then I was a teenager again, earning my own rifle merit badge. Then I was ten, and my dad was putting a gun in my hand for the first time and was teaching me how to shoot. I was, in effect, retracing the steps which lead me to be in the position I was in at that very moment, and the whole time all I could think was "I'm too young to die. I'm too young to die. I'm too young to die..."

It was the scariest moment of my life.

So I was not functioning very well for awhile, but then I remembered my director's course. All of them said they'd had several loaded guns pointed at them by kids not paying attention, and still none of them had ever mentioned being shot, and they'd been doing it for years.

That helped me feel better. I wasn't quite the same the rest of the week, and I doubt I'll be much the same the rest summer (or even the rest of my life for that matter), but I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be okay.

I've just never actually faced my own mortality before. I've never seen the possibility of death coming right toward me. I used to joke about being martyred because of my beliefs about the govenrment, or politics, or religion, or whatever else I've opened my mouth about, and it was kinda funny, but I don't think I'm going to do that anymore.

I've now seen the very real possibility of my own death, and I can safely say that I do not want to die.

But I'm going to be okay. I just don't think that I will ever quite feel the same around firearms anymore. I still love shooting, but I just feel...I don't know really. Just not the same.

Anyway, the staff and my friends have been really cool in listening and such. The ropes course staff heard about it and took me off the climbing tower zipline at 2 in the morning in total darkness, which was totally awesome, and I felt better. Thanks guys.

And thanks to everyone else that let me vent to them. I needed it. Thank you.

Do a good turn daily...

2005-05-20T22:20:00.000-04:00

Well this is it. My last night at home.

If you haven't been to my website recently, you may not know that I'm leaving town on tomorrow to go be Shooting Sports Director at Camp Buck Toms for the Boy Scouts of America. I've been going there since I was eleven years old, and - though the pay kinda sucks, the hours are abhorrent, and being cooped up with a hundred adolescent male staff and thousands of scouts for eight weeks, while often amusing, is hardly the way most college guys would want to spend their summer - it feels good to give back to the program that gave so much to you.

I guess this would be my call for you to go out there and give back. "To whom much is given, much is required." I don't remember who said that, but it's the truth. I don't feel like going out on a proper rant, but I think it's easy to see that the best thing anyone can do is help someone else. So go out there and give someone a hand. It doesn't have to be babysitting 20,000 kids at a Scout camp, but theres dozens of local charities that could more than benefit from the youth and vivacity that students of The University of Tennessee could provide them with over the summer. You never know, a couple hours of your life could be the turning point in someone else's.

Think about it.

PS I'll be in town once or twice a week to check mail and probably update this thing every now and then, so you can still catch me this summer. So keep the mail comin' and I'll see you guys later!

Something isn't quite right here...

2005-05-18T02:46:00.000-04:00

Mood: Introspective, happy
TV Show on in the Background: Scrubs

Something is wrong here.

I noticed it earlier tonight when I was talking to my friend and every other comment out of my mouth was a self-depricating insult.

I can't really figure out why, either. But I've come up with several theories.

Theory #1) Things are going good for me. I'm actually happy for once. Not that I'm usually sad or depressed; mainly I'm just like "Eh, whatever." But nowadays I look forward to getting up and going to work or doing my research or writing or just going out and hanging out.

I mean, I won my first research grant as an undergraduate, which is a fantastic resume builder and really kicks up my opporutnities for grad school. In addition, my advisor asked if I would be interested in co-writing a chapter for a book that the department is putting out in a couple years, which is just awesome. On top of that, I'm going out to summer camp where I get to spend the summer doing two things that I love: teaching and shooting. Plus I'm doing some pretty interesting field research with observation, interviews, and all sorts of other things going on that I'm really excited to be doing, especially since the research is completely of my own design.

And theres a few general ego-boosting incentives popping up lately, such as finding out that editors at both the Knoxville News Sentinel and the Metro Pulse have read my Stacey Campfield article and were impressed by my work or getting rehired by The Daily Beacon for another year of spewing virtiol at the conservative right in a weekly column. Plus, my personal life is doing better lately too.

Everything's just kinda fallen into place lately.

So since I'm happy, my theory is that I'm just out of my "blah" element. So I need to do something to bring myself back to my normal level.

Theory #2) I'm used to destroying things. It's been three weeks since I've written a column for the Beacon, and I'm taking the summer off because of all my other work I've gotta do this summer, so I won't get to do it again til August, and I have nothing berate mercilessly.

Theory #3)I'm getting too high up on my pedistal, and I know it. Despite the fact that I am a self-avowed egomaniacal narcissist, I'm not stupid enough to become blinded by my successes to not see my flaws, of which there are MANY (there it is again!). Its good to look at yourself critically I think. It keeps us grounded and helps us to better understand others and their problems. Only idiots would think that there was nothing wrong with themselves, and it would make it impossible to empathize with another. And in all honesty, that's what I care about the most.

I don't know what I would do if I ended up thinking I was a better person that someone else. I've dedicated my life to helping others, and I think that maybe, on some subconscious level, I'm afraid that if I don't do something to burst my own bubble, I might get too far away from what I really care about.

Theory #4)There's an evil monkey in my closet. Oh, sorry, Family Guy flashback. Plus I figure after that really abstract and quite serious line of thought, I'd better lighten the mood.

Anyway, It's probably some combination of the above. Or maybe I'm always this way and I just didn't realize it til now. Either way, I'm sure that the evil monkey has a hand in it.

What have I gotten myself into?

2005-05-16T19:02:00.000-04:00

If you haven't heard, I won the Chancellor's Summer Research Grant a few weeks ago, and I've started my Literature Review for my research program. As I begin work, I am burdened by a single, irksome question:

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I've never done more reading in my entire life. I'm not really seeing much else but words. I even dreamt about reading last night. It's getting to be too much. If I'd had to do this for a class, I'd have dropped it long ago.

On the other hand, it's the easiest $2,000 I've ever earned. Plus it's been a good excuse to buy myself a new laptop.

Eh, I guess I'll just hold out hope that the actual project will be better. I'm going to do some field work with this project with interviews and surveys and all that fun stuff...

...man I'm getting bored writing this, you must be bored to tears reading it.

Alright let's wrap it up:

Money = Good.
Lit. Review = Bad.
Field Work = Hopefully Good.

Anyway, to better times. If I only drank. But it might make it harder to read...

A Question of Ethics - Reprise

2005-05-13T03:27:00.000-04:00

Mood: Relaxed
Movie on in the background: American Beauty

Ethics be damned.

Like I said, they're not my ethics anyway. People can just butt the hell out. Well, since no one will know anyway, I don't suppose it matters. Hence the justification for my decision: why should I worry about what other people would think when they won't even know? And that's not even taking into account that it's none of their damn business anyway.

So that's that.

Just, FYI, I'm doing a whole helluva lot better now that that's off my shoulders. I've been more able to enjoy what's going on now.

Sorry for the ambiguity, friends. I know it's driving some of you crazy (thanks for the memos guys). Just know that I'm doing much better now.

Peace

A Question of Ethics

2005-05-09T23:26:00.000-04:00

Mood: Pensive
Music: Jamiroquai

Have you ever been put in a position where very good things could happen to/for you, but you would have to compromise your ethics in order to do so?

Okay, let's step that back a little. It's not MY ethics I'd be compromising, because personally I don't think what the situation is is a problem, however, some of my peers and fellow academics would find the situation a little unethical.

So really, it's not my problem, but it's more the problem my friends and peers would have if I did what I want to do.

Now I'm sure you're all asking, "What the hell is he talking about?" Well, I wish I could tell you, because that might make it quite a bit easier to answer, but I can't. The constraints of my work and my position as a semi-public person won't let me talk about it openly. I guess to relate you would jsut have to think about something that you felt was okay but others might disagree.

Now usually I have no problem doing something unethical if I feel it's for the greater good (Stacey Campfield learned that one the hard way when I published his private e-mails all over the newspaper and the web. And really, the only person that probably wishes I hadn't done that is, well, Stacey Campfield).

But there is no greater good being done by this so called "ethics violation." It would be for my own personal gain. Now no one would be hurt by it, and no one would find out either, and it's not like I'd be breaking a law or anything, but is someone were to find out, they would probably consider it a little unethical.

I dunno. Since there is no risk and no danger, I really don't know what the problem is. I think a part of it is that this obscenely PC culture we live in. 20 years ago it would have been encouraged. Not anymore, though. It's really not anyone's business but my own anyway.

I guess, though, that if I were to do this I would be saying that there are times that it is okay to act unethically. I think that's true to a point. Because no man is made of iron. As long as we strive for the best we can be, it's okay to have shortcomings. We are human, after all.

It's been a good day

2005-04-06T16:08:00.000-04:00

Mood: Happy
Music: Reel Big Fish

It has been a good day.

I know that I said I'd avoid politics on this blog since I deal with politics most of the day and you can read my views on political and social issues on my website and in my column for The Daily Beacon. So I'm going to stick to that conviction, but it just so happens that my political writings are the cause of my good mood.

I'm used to getting responses from readers, and usually its pretty mixed; people agree and disagree and its good discussion (well, except for the ones that are random strings of cursing), but in the last 24 hours Ive received nearly two dozen e-mails from readers just wanting to thank me for my latest column. I've never had such an overhwelming positive response. I should warn you that you're all making a huge mistake, because the last thing I need is a bigger ego lol.

Na I'm just kidding. But it really makes me feel good to go out on a limb and put my views on the world on display for everyone else to read and for complete strangers to take the time to write me and thank me for my work.
Though it was in response to my previous column on religion's role in America, one of the best days I've had in recent memory was when someone I didn't even know went out of his way to come up to me on the street and shake my hand saying "I just had to come over here and thank you for what you said in the paper yesterday."

So this is my official "Thank You" to all the readers out there. Your comments are not falling on deaf ears.

Friends

2005-03-27T03:35:00.000-05:00

Mood: Pensive
Movie on the the Background: Garden State

Hrm, It seems like I only get on here and write something when I'm feeling bad. Ah well, I guess we all have our own ways of venting.

When I was in high school, I had my first and only best friend to date. He was a great guy that I always got along with and had the same cynical outlook as myself. We could talk about anyhting and usually wound up with the same conclusions.

I don't really know why we drifted apart. It was a bunch of things, I'm sure. For one, I was going through a really deep and brooding depression, which I'm sure didn't help. Ont top of that I was in a relationship with a girl that, while at the time I thought she was helping, was really, really was a major part of the problems I had. And for him, well he was raised a Southern Baptist and had only recently started coming to grips with the fact that he was gay, so he had his own set of problems that I can't even begin to comprehend.

And I guess when we both finally started college we just stopped hanging out. I really don't know why, though. Hell, I could walk to his house rightn ow if I really wanted to. But every time I try talking to him it just seems like it's a chore for both of us to spend time together.

I dunno.

After high school I became very good friends with another guy. He's a really logical type that I've always relied on to help me put things into perspective. I'd been hanging out with him for a while, but we probably didn't actually become good friends until we started going to college. We were never as close of friends as I was with the first guy, but we always could have a good time hanging out and debating the state of the world.

Now, though, he's gone of to grad school at another college and it's only now that I realize how good of a friend he really was and how much I depended on him just to have someone to hang out with and shoot the bull. I've never had a very wide circle of friends to begin with, and now that this guy has gone off, I feel a lot less, I dunno, motivated to interact with others. I dunno why.

But he came back this past week to spend Easter with his family, and before that I got to hang out with him for a couple of weeks over Christmas. Now though, as I see him head off back to Texas it just makes me realize what a good friend he was, and how much it really sucks to not have someone I can really consider a close friend around anymore. I mean there are people I could call and hang out with and go see a movie with or something, but there's really no one left that I can just drop by unannounced and debate philosophy or argue over who's hotter on "That 70s Show" Jackie or Donna (I'm so going with the redhead).

I guess in the end what I'm getting at is be thankful for the people around you, because you may rely on someone more than you realize.

PS If any of my other friends are reading this (Jeff, Brian, Tater, Bethany, Doug, Jacob, Katie, or anyone else that I'm forgetting because its 3:30 am and I'm really not running at 100%), plz don't take it personally. You guys are great. I'm just airing out my feelings.

A Discourse on Love

2005-03-06T03:43:00.000-05:00

Mood: Frustrated, Wistful
Music: Perfect Orange
Song: "Remember That Night"

"There are Monkeys Everywhere..."

...at least there must be, because it certainly does seem to be raining shit on me lately.

The girl I've been dating for the past few months brought up the "L" word this past week. Now I know plenty of people that will say that word in passing without thinking about the magnitude of it, or will even lie about it just to get some chick in bed.

But that is something I take very seriously. I can't just flippantly say something like that, especially not after a few months. I haven't even really thought about it in regards to her because we haven't been together that long. We didn't even do anything on Valentine's day because it was just too soon.

Love is very important to me. If I ever accomplish anything in this life, I hope that I can love a girl, and be loved by her. I really don't think that there is anything more meaningful, and all the striving and achieving and competing we do doesn't mean anything if there isn't someone to go to at the end of the day who will care about you no matter what. Someone that you can talk to, someone that you enjoy being with, and, if necessary, provide a shoulder to cry on. A person that will never ridicule or scorn you, and someone that you can share your deepest thoughts and fears with. A person that you will always find beautiful, even as you grow old. A person that you want to hold, and a person that you want to hold you. That is what love is to me: pure selflessness.

But I didn't feel that for her, at least not yet, and as I reflect I don't think I could have. We were just dating, having fun, being college kids. I'm not looking for the person I want to spend my life with.

That's not to say that I wouldn't stay with them if I found them tomorrow or the next day. I would. But what I shared with her was hardly love, I know that. At least I hope it wasn't love, because I guess I'd always jsut hoped that love is more than what we had.

I dunno.

She kinda ended it officially last night, though I sure wasn't expecting it to survive. So now I'm single again, I suppose. I've never really had a bad breakup, and certainly never been left. It's kinda a new experience for me. With a couple notable exceptions, I've always just had mutual breakups in the past where we both just kinda decided that it was time to move on or that we weren't getting anywhere. I've retained at the very least amicable relationships with my exes, but I guess there's a first time for everything.

It just bothers me that, even though I didn't do anything wrong, someone can be mad at me. Now I give lots of people plenty of reason to be mad at me every day (hell, if you read the Beacon you know that to be fact), but this is different because I wasn't at fault, and I certainly wasn't trying to make her mad. Instead, I did the admirable thing, the right thing: I was honest.

Honesty hurts sometimes, though. But I think it would hurt alot more to lie about love. The concept of love is too important to me to not be totally honest about. I didn't love her, so I'm certainly not going to say I do.

Is that wrong?

Sigh, oh well. Hopefully I'll sleep tonight. And hey Brian, thanks for calling and getting me out of the house. I needed that, bro.

Words Can Hurt

2005-03-04T23:00:00.000-05:00

If you haven't read the story before this one, then this won't make any sense.

For the last nine hours I've done nothing but dwell on what was said to me earlier today. I'm sitting here with my stomach in a knot and my chest in a vice. I'm even having trouble breathing. I know I'm letting this get to me, but it just doesn't make any sense, and it hurts. I don't recall feeling this bad in a very long time.

I am a liberal, a progressive, and an idealist. Equality is the basis for my reasoning. I spend evey second of every day trying to make the world a better place for everyone. And the mere implication that I could be a racist makes me start to wonder why I do these things. I feel as if Children's Hospital is mad that I could only give so much bone marrow or only one kidney.

Its this kind of treatment that makes me wonder why I should suffer so much if the people that I suffer for are just going to step on me. I'm despied in the majority of the circles of middle-class white America. I can't even spend time with my own people. And forget being able to get a job in that sector. I could have been a lawyer, or maybe a cop like my parents, but now I've got a file at both the local police department and local FBI office (despite having never committed a crime) all because I chose to speak out against the government and the system (thank you Freedom of Information Act).

I spit on everything that the people around me hold dear because the system we live in is descriminatory and I know that it's only blind luck that I get offered opportunities like law school or even to be born white, male, and middle class. So, I choose to fight. I fight for the rights of minorities, women, gays, non-Christians and everyone else that is descriminated against in this country. And what do I get in return? Kicked out of the white circles and descriminated against in all the others.

I know I'm taking this too seriously. I know that there was probably some confusion or misunderstanding involved , and I'm sure that most people regardless of race or background, would be confused at the very least, especially people that know me, but the mere implication that there could be any doubt about the kind of person that I am is disheartening. It's as if a hole has been burned into my soul.

Sigh...I'm going to have to meditate on this for awhile. I'm sure that in the end I won't end up changing my mind about the world or the path I've chosen for myself, and that I'll always be the overbearing liberal progressive fighter I've always been, but I have learned something: sometimes, no matter what good a person does in their life, they can never gain respect with some people. They can only lose it.

Racism Works Both Ways

2005-03-04T14:15:00.000-05:00

I know I promised not to delve into politics on this blog, but I'm so pissed off right now that I kinda have to. But don't worry, I don't even mention republicans or conservatives. This one's all about the left and how stupid their beliefs can be sometimes.

Apparently, I'm a ractist. Despite all of the work that I do to promote equality, despite everything I do to point out the desparity between wages of minorites and whites, despite everything I have done to show white America that minorities ARE NOT equal in this country, I get called a racist.

Why, you ask?

Simple: I don't like rap music.

I got into this discussion with a black guy in my class. I said that if there wasn't descrimination in this country, rap music wouldn't exist, at least not in the form that it's in today. He berated me about rap and R&B being an expression of what being black is. My only response: being black is defined around demeaning women to the point of sexual objectivity and the worship of money?

Though the discussion went no farther, mainly because I took extreme offense at the insinuation that I was a racist and left the situation after calling him a hypocrite, I cannot help but wonder what reality he thinks he's living in as far as rap music goes. My only reasoning is that he must believe that white people dislike rap because its supported by black culture. Well I've got some news for him as far as rap defining black culture. 90% of all rap music sold is to white people between the ages of 13 and 29. 85% of all rap music makes reference, often vulgarly, to sex. 80% of all rap music is in some way related to money, and a large majority of it is using the influence that money grants to get sex, etc, etc, etc... Are these numbers at all reflective of black culture? Well, I'm not black, but I think I can say with a high degree of sureity that they are not.

Now I'm not gonna say all rap/R&B is like this, nor am I gonna say that I dislike all of it (I own "The Love below", which does both of the things I mention earlier, for example). But this dislike of me because I dislike rap is inidicative of the problems with progressives: we fight each other too much to fight the real problems. I don't dislike people because they like rap music, but, apparently, I can be disliked for not liking rap. That seems a little fucked up doesn't it?

Disliking rap isn't a race issue in my mind. I'm all for equality, but when women are objectified, they are given unequal status. And what happens when money becomes the sole motivator? Well you get America as it is today: a class system based on one's income, not one's talents, skills, education, contribution to society, or necessity of the job performed; and rewards are paid out disproportinately to those that agree with the system.

But those aren't even the issues here. The issue is that disagreeing with someone on even a single idea can earn you a label. I'm unpartiotic because I oppose the war in Iraq, too. Who's fucked up view of patriotism is defined on an unjust war? Writing my congressmen on a regular basis, voting, paying taxes...none of this makes me a patriot? It's all based on violence? By the same token, fighting for minority rights or fair wages doesn't make me a progressive, but hating rap music because of the ideology presented therein makes me a racist?

What's next, disliking Broadway musicals means I hate gays? WTF? Where's the boundary? Where does it end?

Well, I've got news for anyone that would define their identity solely on a single issue (like rap music): racism works both ways.

Complements

2005-02-20T04:26:00.000-05:00

Where to begin...I mean this is my first post. Does it have to be something special, something meaningful? Or can it just be the random toughts I've always had? I hope its the latter...

I guess I'll start with something that's been bothering me lately. I've recently taken up a new hobby of complementing people when they do an especially good job. This is a new thing for me, as those that know me personally are quite aware, because I'm quite the a nihilist when it comes to my expectations of others.

I did it mainly because it seems to me that we're just getting too bogged down in the drudgery of the world that we can't ever see the good we're doing. If everyone just got a compliment every now and then, the world would probably be a better place.

But this hobby has had some unexpected consequences. I entered this new practice with an altruistic goal, but altruism is something that nobody in the world seems to understand. Every time I complement a girl, she thinks I'm hitting on her, and every guy I complement thinks I'm being sarcastic. It's like people are so insecure about themselves that to recieve a complement must have some ulterior motive (either sleeping with them or breaking their will to live).

Why? Are people so unused to recieving praise? Is that what this world has come to? I hope not. That would be tragic, to say the least.