Friends

Mood: Pensive
Movie on the the Background: Garden State

Hrm, It seems like I only get on here and write something when I'm feeling bad. Ah well, I guess we all have our own ways of venting.

When I was in high school, I had my first and only best friend to date. He was a great guy that I always got along with and had the same cynical outlook as myself. We could talk about anyhting and usually wound up with the same conclusions.

I don't really know why we drifted apart. It was a bunch of things, I'm sure. For one, I was going through a really deep and brooding depression, which I'm sure didn't help. Ont top of that I was in a relationship with a girl that, while at the time I thought she was helping, was really, really was a major part of the problems I had. And for him, well he was raised a Southern Baptist and had only recently started coming to grips with the fact that he was gay, so he had his own set of problems that I can't even begin to comprehend.

And I guess when we both finally started college we just stopped hanging out. I really don't know why, though. Hell, I could walk to his house rightn ow if I really wanted to. But every time I try talking to him it just seems like it's a chore for both of us to spend time together.

I dunno.

After high school I became very good friends with another guy. He's a really logical type that I've always relied on to help me put things into perspective. I'd been hanging out with him for a while, but we probably didn't actually become good friends until we started going to college. We were never as close of friends as I was with the first guy, but we always could have a good time hanging out and debating the state of the world.

Now, though, he's gone of to grad school at another college and it's only now that I realize how good of a friend he really was and how much I depended on him just to have someone to hang out with and shoot the bull. I've never had a very wide circle of friends to begin with, and now that this guy has gone off, I feel a lot less, I dunno, motivated to interact with others. I dunno why.

But he came back this past week to spend Easter with his family, and before that I got to hang out with him for a couple of weeks over Christmas. Now though, as I see him head off back to Texas it just makes me realize what a good friend he was, and how much it really sucks to not have someone I can really consider a close friend around anymore. I mean there are people I could call and hang out with and go see a movie with or something, but there's really no one left that I can just drop by unannounced and debate philosophy or argue over who's hotter on "That 70s Show" Jackie or Donna (I'm so going with the redhead).

I guess in the end what I'm getting at is be thankful for the people around you, because you may rely on someone more than you realize.

PS If any of my other friends are reading this (Jeff, Brian, Tater, Bethany, Doug, Jacob, Katie, or anyone else that I'm forgetting because its 3:30 am and I'm really not running at 100%), plz don't take it personally. You guys are great. I'm just airing out my feelings.