I was almost shot this week...

...And no, it wasn't from a reader.

I'm working at a Boy Scout summer camp as the shooting sports director. It's my job, as director, to run the firing line. When doing this, if I see anything wrong, I yell out "Cease Fire", at which point the shooters (should) know to place their firearms down and unload them.

Anyway, I give the ocmmand for the kids to load and fire. I see one kid having trouble loading the rifle. So then I call for a cease fire. No big deal, usually. Suddenly, this one kid, no less than fifteen feet from me turns with his entire body holding the rifle in his hands, the muzzle pointing directly at my chest, and says, "What did you say?"

I was like a deer caught in headlights.

Fortunately, my assistant was walking behind the firing line and was less than five feet from the kid. As soon as he turned, my assistant bolted over and grabbed the rifle, pointing it down range before jerking it out of his hands with one hand and grabbing the kid by the collar of his shirt with the other and almost literally throwing him off the range.

All of this took place in the span of about four seconds. I never believed in the whole "time slowing down" or whatever before then, but I swear those four seconds were like hours stretching out forever. Suddenly, I saw myself signing my contract, then I saw the camp director saying "How would you like to be shooting sports director?" Then I was a teenager again, earning my own rifle merit badge. Then I was ten, and my dad was putting a gun in my hand for the first time and was teaching me how to shoot. I was, in effect, retracing the steps which lead me to be in the position I was in at that very moment, and the whole time all I could think was "I'm too young to die. I'm too young to die. I'm too young to die..."

It was the scariest moment of my life.

So I was not functioning very well for awhile, but then I remembered my director's course. All of them said they'd had several loaded guns pointed at them by kids not paying attention, and still none of them had ever mentioned being shot, and they'd been doing it for years.

That helped me feel better. I wasn't quite the same the rest of the week, and I doubt I'll be much the same the rest summer (or even the rest of my life for that matter), but I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be okay.

I've just never actually faced my own mortality before. I've never seen the possibility of death coming right toward me. I used to joke about being martyred because of my beliefs about the govenrment, or politics, or religion, or whatever else I've opened my mouth about, and it was kinda funny, but I don't think I'm going to do that anymore.

I've now seen the very real possibility of my own death, and I can safely say that I do not want to die.

But I'm going to be okay. I just don't think that I will ever quite feel the same around firearms anymore. I still love shooting, but I just feel...I don't know really. Just not the same.

Anyway, the staff and my friends have been really cool in listening and such. The ropes course staff heard about it and took me off the climbing tower zipline at 2 in the morning in total darkness, which was totally awesome, and I felt better. Thanks guys.

And thanks to everyone else that let me vent to them. I needed it. Thank you.