Something you can do with $18...

Mood: Alright I guess, not great but not bad or anything
TV: Mystery Science Theater 3000 (with Joel, not Mike)

You know, I'm a 22 year old 5th year senior in college, but I still feel like I've missed out on some essiential college experiences. I've never had a one night stand. I've never passed out drunk and waken up in a different state. And I've never been to a strip club.

Well, at least not until now.

I went and got dinner with one of my buddies tonight. We were trying to decide what to do once we got done eating, and somehow we came to the decision that we should act like normal college students and do something like every other college male on earth: go to a strip club.

I still don't know why.

You see, my buddy is gay, and, as has been well-established by my ramblings on this blog, I am insane. We are about as far from normal as one can possibly get. Maybe that's why we did it - to see what normal was like. I dunno.

Anyway, the whole experience was kinda a let down. Now, that's not because the girls weren't pretty. Most of them were very pretty, and some were downright beautiful, but it really just didn't do much of anything for me. Hell, I think my gay friend had more fun than I did (he thinks he found his true calling as a strip club coreographer lol).

I just didn't feel attracted to or aroused by these women. More than anything, I felt pity. When we got in, having paid $10 for cover, we were two of about 7 patrons and 20ish strippers and I had resolved myself not to tip. That quickly changed.

When we sat down, a couple of the girls came and talked to us and told us about the rules (no touching, $10 for a floor dance $20 for table, etc.) then they just started talking to us in a semi-flirtatious way, all in the hopes we'd pay for more. Of course, I'm poor, so that didn't happen. And when they got that, thye just kinda started talking to us normally.

They were quite nice, and I broke down and did end up tipping a couple of the girls when I saw that they weren't making harly any money tonight. They were nice people, and this just happened to be their occupation. Nothing wrong with it. But I just couldn't find myself in the least bit attracted to them, despite how pretty most of them were. I guess I'm just more attracted to a girl for her personality than her looks.

But it was fun just talking with the girls after they realized we didn't have any money. And it was cool hanging out with my friend. It was especially funny to watch the different girls flirting with him because he just had that look of tyring his best not to laugh at them and tell him he's gay.

There were two especially funny highlights. The first came when the one girl that had been sitting with us all night asked if we'd ever seen a pierced...well you know. I mentioned that I had but my friend hadn't. She said "Gimmie a dollar, I'll be right back." I said what the hell and gave it to her. She went and got her friend and gave her the dollar and this girl whips off her pants to show us that, not only was it pierced, but that said piercing glowed in the dark. Now that was funny in itself (how could that possibly be sexy, except maybe in a "Wow that's weird," sort of way?), but then she started talking 90 words per minute and I looked over at my friend and, like through telepathy, we basically told each other the same thing: "Dear Christ she snorted a couple lines of coke before coming down."

The other funny moment was when the girl sitting with us had to go up on stage. She'd been really nice and the tips still weren't that great, so we decided to tip her while she was up before we left. We go down to the stage and she dances for us and I slip a couple bucks in her garter and then she turns to my friend and takes his ball cap off his head and holds it between her thighs while dancing for him. I am doing my damndest not to laugh out loud at this point. It was so funny because she was tyring to be sexy for him, and I don't think it would have even been sexy for me and I'm straight lol. I'll never forget what he said when we left: "I've never been that close to a vagina since I was born. I'm going to go wash my hat in bleach now." I died laughing. Gay guys get all the women I swear lol.

So all in all, it was an interesting night. Entertaining, but ultimately a letdown. I mean sure, I like naked women as much as the next guy (unless the guy sitting next to you is gay), but it just didn't really do anything for me to look at a bunch of random naked people. I think I'd rather be with a girl that I know who's sweet and smart than some random woman who's hot and sexy. I dunno.

Anyway, time to get out of these smokey clothes and into a shower so I don't smell like cigarettes the rest of the night. Talk to ya later,

~Peace