My perception of the world

I was bored, so I made a new desktop. This amalgam (yeah, draw that!) reflects how I percieve pretty much the rest of the world. It looks fine on my widescreen laptop, but probably looks kinda weird on a normal screen. The strips come from my favorite webcomic, http://penny-arcade.com. If you liked em, you should go check 'em out. Anyway, I should probably sleep sometime in the near future. G'Nite.

Ahh...modern conveniences

Mood: Elated
Music: whatever electronic muzak comes through the speakers


It's finally over.

For the last eight weeks, I've seen hardly anyone but either 14 year old scouts or 40 year old scoutmasters. I've drank nothing but powerade and water. I've eaten little more than high school cafeteria food. I've hardly seen a newspaper, much less been able to get a phone call or plug into the internet. I've worn only canvas uniform shorts and the same three t-shirts over and over. I've slept in a cramped 10x8 room where the power only worked about a third of the time with 2 other guys. Worst of all, I haven't had a good political or philosophical discussion with another intelligent human being since I left.

Now, I can't help but look around and smile with relief.

I'm sitting in a climate controlled coffee shop drinking a fruit smoothie and eating a homemade muffin larger than my head. Not only do I not need to plug in to a phone line, I'm enjoying the fruits of wireless high-speed internet. I'm wearing khaki shorts, sandals without socks, an untucked button-down shirt, and, of course, my leather hat. There are women everywhere I look wearing the usual summer attire, including the one sitting beside me in the low riders and spaghetti straps (thank you God, I'll hit ya back later bro), who also spent the last hour debating what constitutes a justifiable cause to go to war. Finally, probably best of all (well, with the exception of maybe the last sentence), I'll go home tonight to my 800 sq. foot condo with cable, a huge tv, a giant leather couch, central air conditioning, etc., that I live at all by myself.

Ahhhh...feels good.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the Scouts, and I love camping. But I also love modern conveniences. I need my news now. I need to interact with a female on a daily basis for longer than 15 minutes. I need to watch Jon Stewart. And I like blended fruit drinks dammit!

Home sweet home.

Gotta love it.

Respect

Mood: ...I don't know how to describe it. Been a very hard week, but there's some good too.

Music: Maroon 5

I've lost a lot of respect for a lot of people this week.


#1
First, there's my boss at camp. He took the side of the 15 year old instructor who hasn't been taking his medication and destroyed camp property over the 22 year old director he hired to manage the most dangerous area on camp that has been warning him for two weeks that this kid was a problem. Not only did the kid not get fired, he's stil got a job under me of all things. I just don't see how I can be expected to do my job effectively if my supervisor tells me to do my job but won't do his.

Now I'm sure you're thinking "Well you must've given him a reason to take the kid's side." Well, you'd be wrong. Not only has my record been immaculate this year, but my area is consistently the highest rated area on camp, so I must be doing something right. This man is just so overprotective of this teenager that he wants to protect the kid over running a good, effective program. Well, maybe its just me, but I thought we were here for the 2000 kids that paid to come to camp, not the one staff member who is paid to be there who refuses to take his meds and then destroys camp property. I dunno, it's just a thought.

Furthermore, I don't think he realizes how hard it is for people like me to give up 8 weeks of their summer to come and basically do this charity work because they love Scouting. It's no problem for a fifteen year old to come out to camp for the summer, but for a 22 year old college student, things are VERY different. Not only did I put off graduating for another semester so I could go out there instead of going to school, but I also had to take leave from the paper and turn down a research job that paid ALOT more money (not to mention working alot less time and getting to come home every night). Also, I haven't gotten to spend any time with the people that I care about. Some of my relationships are not in the best of shape right now, and much of that can be attributed to my not being around this summer.

I just think that, in truth, a fifteen year old kid in the Boy Scouts is a common as sand on a beach or a homophobic closeted homosexual Republican politician; but someone who is over the age of 21 (which is required to run the shooting ranges) is much more rare, and he probably still has to make a ton of sacrifices to be there.

I was down there for two reasons: 1) It was fun and 2) I do it for the kids. Well, #1 is fading fast, and I just don't know if #2 is worth screwing up my own life for, especially if they won't support me. I'm doing exactly what they told me to do, and then they get mad at me for doing it justl ike they said. What can you do?


#2
There was a Scoutmaster this past week who knew nothing of me or had even heard of me. Then he finds out in a roundabout way from someone in his troop who has read my stuff that I'm a huge liberal and that I'm hugely against Bush, support gay rights, am pro-choice, etc. So around mid week I start hearing things that people have said that he's said about me. I just blow it off not taking it seriously and really not caring what this guy thinks about me. But then on Friday he turns in his review to the camp director and while still rating my area an 8 of 10 on the survey, he writes out to the side:

"Jon Fish is a terrible teacher and because of his stance on homosexuality his contact with children should be minimized."

Let me translate: because I have views different from his, I am thus a bad person and cannot hope to be any good at my job because only people that believe what he believes can possibly be a good influence on these kids.

Bear in mind, that I had not even spoken to this man. He never even spent any time in my classes. I had to ask someone to point him out to me! Two questions: 1) How he could possibly comment on my teaching ability is beyond me and 2) My personal political and social views, none of which are ever expressed to anyone in my classes, make it unacceptable for me to be a teacher?

Anyone that thinks like that can go fuck themselves. Period.

No, I'll take it one step further. Maybe it isn't me who should have my exposure to children minimized, but rather the closed-minded biggot who should be kept safely away from impressionable youth.


#3
Finally this week, there is the interpersonal issue. I just don't understand why people can't just be honest with each other. You know how it is; you make your intentions perfectly clear, and they tell you what you want to hear despite knowing full well that there is something else they are much more interested in.

I'm not really mad about it, though. Just a little hurt and a little disappointed in them, but I'll get over that I'm sure. In fact, that's how people act alot these days, even friends. They know that you'll forgive 'em. Hell, they're you're friends after all. But why do it in the first place? Why not just be up front and honest?

I dunno.


In Conclusion...
It's just these kinds of things that have really got me wondering: do we really respect each other so little that we will say whatever we want to protect ourselves and get what we want, no matter how much it hurts someone else?

More and more, the answer is begining to look like a resounding and emphatic "yes". I'm not that way, at least I don't think I am. For example, I'm currently debating the ethics of sleeping with someone whom I have no feelings for, have told her as much, and despite these things, she still wants me to come see her every weekend. Nobody gets hurt and its a win for everyone, right? Then why the fuck does it bother me so goddam much?! I'll bet that it has something to do with the fact that I care about other people and I'm not stupid enough to believe that even though she says that its okay, she's not telling the truth.

I know I say alot of bad things about alot of people, but bashing the faceless right-wing nutjob is alot different than stabbing someone who has either earned the implicit trust of Scouters to run the most dangerous area of a summer camp, been commended for his teaching ability and recognized for his dedication to one of the most beneficial non-profit organizations in the world, or just been a friend who thought he had earned some modicum of honesty as such.

But I'll get over it. The world isn't perfect, and neither is it's people. I'm not mad at any of these people or anything. Hell, social theory would tell me that they didn't even really make the choice to do these things. Rather, society has trained us to strive for their own benefits, no matter the cost to others. Thats basic capitalism, after all. Kill or be killed, survival of the fittest, and everyone for themselves. Now I don't know if I believe that story or not, but I wasn't even competing with any of these people, yet they still took the opportunity to cut me down, either to profit something for themselves or to protect themselves emotionally.

Gotta love it.