Something you can do with $18...

Mood: Alright I guess, not great but not bad or anything
TV: Mystery Science Theater 3000 (with Joel, not Mike)

You know, I'm a 22 year old 5th year senior in college, but I still feel like I've missed out on some essiential college experiences. I've never had a one night stand. I've never passed out drunk and waken up in a different state. And I've never been to a strip club.

Well, at least not until now.

I went and got dinner with one of my buddies tonight. We were trying to decide what to do once we got done eating, and somehow we came to the decision that we should act like normal college students and do something like every other college male on earth: go to a strip club.

I still don't know why.

You see, my buddy is gay, and, as has been well-established by my ramblings on this blog, I am insane. We are about as far from normal as one can possibly get. Maybe that's why we did it - to see what normal was like. I dunno.

Anyway, the whole experience was kinda a let down. Now, that's not because the girls weren't pretty. Most of them were very pretty, and some were downright beautiful, but it really just didn't do much of anything for me. Hell, I think my gay friend had more fun than I did (he thinks he found his true calling as a strip club coreographer lol).

I just didn't feel attracted to or aroused by these women. More than anything, I felt pity. When we got in, having paid $10 for cover, we were two of about 7 patrons and 20ish strippers and I had resolved myself not to tip. That quickly changed.

When we sat down, a couple of the girls came and talked to us and told us about the rules (no touching, $10 for a floor dance $20 for table, etc.) then they just started talking to us in a semi-flirtatious way, all in the hopes we'd pay for more. Of course, I'm poor, so that didn't happen. And when they got that, thye just kinda started talking to us normally.

They were quite nice, and I broke down and did end up tipping a couple of the girls when I saw that they weren't making harly any money tonight. They were nice people, and this just happened to be their occupation. Nothing wrong with it. But I just couldn't find myself in the least bit attracted to them, despite how pretty most of them were. I guess I'm just more attracted to a girl for her personality than her looks.

But it was fun just talking with the girls after they realized we didn't have any money. And it was cool hanging out with my friend. It was especially funny to watch the different girls flirting with him because he just had that look of tyring his best not to laugh at them and tell him he's gay.

There were two especially funny highlights. The first came when the one girl that had been sitting with us all night asked if we'd ever seen a pierced...well you know. I mentioned that I had but my friend hadn't. She said "Gimmie a dollar, I'll be right back." I said what the hell and gave it to her. She went and got her friend and gave her the dollar and this girl whips off her pants to show us that, not only was it pierced, but that said piercing glowed in the dark. Now that was funny in itself (how could that possibly be sexy, except maybe in a "Wow that's weird," sort of way?), but then she started talking 90 words per minute and I looked over at my friend and, like through telepathy, we basically told each other the same thing: "Dear Christ she snorted a couple lines of coke before coming down."

The other funny moment was when the girl sitting with us had to go up on stage. She'd been really nice and the tips still weren't that great, so we decided to tip her while she was up before we left. We go down to the stage and she dances for us and I slip a couple bucks in her garter and then she turns to my friend and takes his ball cap off his head and holds it between her thighs while dancing for him. I am doing my damndest not to laugh out loud at this point. It was so funny because she was tyring to be sexy for him, and I don't think it would have even been sexy for me and I'm straight lol. I'll never forget what he said when we left: "I've never been that close to a vagina since I was born. I'm going to go wash my hat in bleach now." I died laughing. Gay guys get all the women I swear lol.

So all in all, it was an interesting night. Entertaining, but ultimately a letdown. I mean sure, I like naked women as much as the next guy (unless the guy sitting next to you is gay), but it just didn't really do anything for me to look at a bunch of random naked people. I think I'd rather be with a girl that I know who's sweet and smart than some random woman who's hot and sexy. I dunno.

Anyway, time to get out of these smokey clothes and into a shower so I don't smell like cigarettes the rest of the night. Talk to ya later,

~Peace

Merry Christmas

That's right, even us godless liberals can believe, too.


Luke 2, 1-20

1And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.
2(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
3And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
4And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
5To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
6And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
7And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
8And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
9And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
12And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
15And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
16And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
17And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
18And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
19But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
20And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

The Qur'an, Sura 3 42-49

42 Behold! the angels said: "O Mary! Allah hath chosen thee and purified thee- chosen thee above the women of all nations.
43 "O Mary! worship Thy Lord devoutly: Prostrate thyself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down."
44 This is part of the tidings of the things unseen, which We reveal unto thee (O Messenger.) by inspiration: Thou wast not with them when they cast lots with arrows, as to which of them should be charged with the care of Mary: Nor wast thou with them when they disputed (the point).
45 Behold! the angels said: "O Mary! Allah giveth thee glad tidings of a Word from Him: his name will be Christ Jesus, the son of Mary, held in honour in this world and the Hereafter and of (the company of) those nearest to Allah.
46 "He shall speak to the people in childhood and in maturity. And he shall be (of the company) of the righteous."
47 She said: "O my Lord! How shall I have a son when no man hath touched me?" He said: "Even so: Allah createth what He willeth: When He hath decreed a plan, He but saith to it, 'Be,' and it is!
48 "And Allah will teach him the Book and Wisdom, the Law and the Gospel,
49 "And (appoint him) an apostle to the Children of Israel, (with this message): "'I have come to you, with a Sign from your Lord, in that I make for you out of clay, as it were, the figure of a bird, and breathe into it, and it becomes a bird by Allah's leave: And I heal those born blind, and the lepers, and I quicken the dead, by Allah's leave; and I declare to you what ye eat, and what ye store in your houses. Surely therein is a Sign for you if ye did believe;

Merry Christmas, to you and all of yours.

~Peace
Jon


PS And if you're not a believier, then Happy Holidays and have a very Merry "Day that the only thing open are delis, chinese food restaurants, and movie theaters" Day. And as Jon Stewart noted on "The Daily Show," don't forget to spend December 25th, the only federal religious holiday, reflecting on the true meaning of Separation of Church and State.

I Did It!

Mood: Elated
Music: RBF (natch)

It's over. I took the GRE today. After a week of stress and near non-stop studying, I put myself to the test, and I succeeded. Of course I won't post my score here, but I will say that I am very happy with it, and that it's pretty darn likely I'll be going to a halfway decent school next year. In any event, at least now I can relax some and hopefully enjoy my break.

~Peace

Just a quick note...

I've started a fiction blog over at http://jfishfiction.blogspot.com where I'll be posting new and old works of original fiction every now and then. I decided it was way easier to update a blog than to post new fiction on my website, so this is where I'm gonna put it from now on. Anyway, we now return to our regularly scheduled programs.

~Peace

I laughed 'til I cried...

...And that's tragic.

Mood: Exhausted, Stressed
TV: Daria

I dunno why - maybe it's because I'm so stressed from studying for the GRE (over 30 hours since Monday) - but I just couldn't stop laughing when I saw this. I hate this stupid debate so much, and this pretty much personifies how I feel about it. That, and then Jon Stewart had this to say and, well, I lost it. I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering. Yeah, I'll be glad when I get through this GRE and can, ya know, act normal. Oh well, if this thing pays off and I get into a nice school and maybe get some funding, it'll all be worth it - even if I do pull out all my hair before it's over with.

~Peace

It's over!

Mood: Ecstatic
Music: Reel Big Fish (of course)

It's finally over! After four months of bashing my head against a wall tyring to suffer through this semester, it's all coming to a close. Thank you God!

Twenty-five hours. That's how many classes I took this semester. And having just returned from my last final exam, I can now safely put it all behind me. All that remains is to turn in my take-home essay which is already completed for my Comparative Poverty and Development class, and finish editing my short story for Fiction Writing and im DONE!

Actually, I'm pretty proud of myself. I held down the hardest semester I've ever put in at the Beacon since I started working there (sixteen pieces, and I still managed to answer every piece of hate mail lol), I took 25 hours and did quite well (I'm pretty sure I pulled over 3.5 this semester), and I did some fantastic writing this semester. Some of the stuff I turned out for my Fiction Writing class was pure gold. Maybe I'll post my final short story sometime soon, I'm really proud of it. I just gotta get up the motivation to update my website *groan*.

You know, I would be happier if I didn't have the GRE next Monday. Apparently this test will have a huge hand in dictating where I spend the next five years of my life. Fantastic. I love when live-altering occurrences bear down on me like the grill of a sixteen-wheeler in my rear-view mirror. Ah well, wish me luck!

~Peace

The Commies Are Coming!

It's funny, the day after I post about Red Dawn being the greatest movie of all time, my buddy John Brown finds a quiz which allows you to find out which Red Dawn character you would be if the Soviets invaded your town. Take a look:


Robert Morris...-The Executioner-...You are loyal
and brave(to a fault) but you are also a
psychotic killing-machine. Seek professional
help NOW! ;-)

Which Red Dawn Character Are You?

Awesome. How ironic - the right wing nutjob gets to be the cool collected "nice guy" leader and the peacenik pinko gets to be the one-man killing machine. On the other hand, I always wondered if I needed professional help. Good thing there are joke internet quizzes to help me figure these things out. At least you know that when the revolution comes, you'll be glad to have me on your side.

~Peace (we're just full of irony today)

What's goin' on

Mood: Stressed, but happy
Music: Reel Big Fish

I decided it was about time for an update. Nothing big is goin' on lately, but I've got a few small things I can talk about.

First of all is the end of classes. Thank you God. This had been one hell of a semester what with taking 25 hours and all. But I managed to survive and I actually ended up doing pretty well. There's still finals ahead, and studyin' for those is kinda stressing me out some, but not too bad and I'm sure I'll make it though alright.

Also this time of year hearalds the long awaited Beacon break. I've written nonstop for the last sixteen weeks. Tuesday was the ONLY day of the week that didn't get a day off this semester. I even had to write two pieces while I was out of the country lol. I need some time off to recuperate.

This has been a good year at The Beacon so far. We've got a pretty strong lineup of columnists, save for a couple. Some of my favorites are Steven Brooks, Jeff Cohran, Sarah Pevey, Crystal Humphrey, and Patrick Christiana. Steven and Patrick are both graduating this semester, so I'm certainly gonna miss their work and wish them the best in the future. Patrick is going to go do the right thing and take care of his many, many illigitimate children. Good for you, Patrick.

Um, hrm...what else is going on?

Well I went on my first ever blind date last night. I actually wasn't looking forward to it. Ever since I got set up, all my friends have told me nothing but horror stories. But I was pleasantly surprised. She was smart, pretty, and basically everything that everyone said not to expect and we ended up having a good time. I guess they gotta get one wrong every now and then.

Let's see...I recently saw the best movie ever made: Red Dawn. Why is this the best movie in ever made? Because the Soviet Union invades Colorado and the captain of the high school football team leads a group of teenage guerilla fighters against them. There has never been a better movie premise in the history of cinema.

I'm working on grad school stuff pretty fervently these days. Most schools have application deadlines in early January, so I'm planning on getting them done over the break. I hope Georgia or Texas A&M gives me a good present for Christmas this year.

Alright, that's about enough. Time to get back to the grindstone and finish getting ready for finals so I can put this hellish semester behind me.

~Peace out, yo

OMG

Hahahahahahaha!!!

The Obelisk of Buenos Aires is covered with a giant condom to commemorate World AIDS Day December 1, 2005. According to a report issued by ONUSIDA (UN AIDS), the number of people infected with the HIV virus in Latin America had risen over the last year from 1.6 to 1.8 million. REUTERS/Enrique Marcarian

I realize they're trying to make a statement, but that's just too goddamn funny to take seriously.

Okay, now it's time for the requsite penis joke that this picture demands and that every male will say upon seeing this picture:

"Oh, they make condoms that big? I guess I'll be able to use them now."

See? I didn't want to do it. I just didn't have a choice. I doubt I could fit this one in my wallet though.

~Peace

PS Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!