Do a good turn daily...

Well this is it. My last night at home.

If you haven't been to my website recently, you may not know that I'm leaving town on tomorrow to go be Shooting Sports Director at Camp Buck Toms for the Boy Scouts of America. I've been going there since I was eleven years old, and - though the pay kinda sucks, the hours are abhorrent, and being cooped up with a hundred adolescent male staff and thousands of scouts for eight weeks, while often amusing, is hardly the way most college guys would want to spend their summer - it feels good to give back to the program that gave so much to you.

I guess this would be my call for you to go out there and give back. "To whom much is given, much is required." I don't remember who said that, but it's the truth. I don't feel like going out on a proper rant, but I think it's easy to see that the best thing anyone can do is help someone else. So go out there and give someone a hand. It doesn't have to be babysitting 20,000 kids at a Scout camp, but theres dozens of local charities that could more than benefit from the youth and vivacity that students of The University of Tennessee could provide them with over the summer. You never know, a couple hours of your life could be the turning point in someone else's.

Think about it.

PS I'll be in town once or twice a week to check mail and probably update this thing every now and then, so you can still catch me this summer. So keep the mail comin' and I'll see you guys later!

Something isn't quite right here...

Mood: Introspective, happy
TV Show on in the Background: Scrubs


Something is wrong here.

I noticed it earlier tonight when I was talking to my friend and every other comment out of my mouth was a self-depricating insult.

I can't really figure out why, either. But I've come up with several theories.

Theory #1) Things are going good for me. I'm actually happy for once. Not that I'm usually sad or depressed; mainly I'm just like "Eh, whatever." But nowadays I look forward to getting up and going to work or doing my research or writing or just going out and hanging out.

I mean, I won my first research grant as an undergraduate, which is a fantastic resume builder and really kicks up my opporutnities for grad school. In addition, my advisor asked if I would be interested in co-writing a chapter for a book that the department is putting out in a couple years, which is just awesome. On top of that, I'm going out to summer camp where I get to spend the summer doing two things that I love: teaching and shooting. Plus I'm doing some pretty interesting field research with observation, interviews, and all sorts of other things going on that I'm really excited to be doing, especially since the research is completely of my own design.

And theres a few general ego-boosting incentives popping up lately, such as finding out that editors at both the Knoxville News Sentinel and the Metro Pulse have read my Stacey Campfield article and were impressed by my work or getting rehired by The Daily Beacon for another year of spewing virtiol at the conservative right in a weekly column. Plus, my personal life is doing better lately too.

Everything's just kinda fallen into place lately.

So since I'm happy, my theory is that I'm just out of my "blah" element. So I need to do something to bring myself back to my normal level.

Theory #2) I'm used to destroying things. It's been three weeks since I've written a column for the Beacon, and I'm taking the summer off because of all my other work I've gotta do this summer, so I won't get to do it again til August, and I have nothing berate mercilessly.

Theory #3)I'm getting too high up on my pedistal, and I know it. Despite the fact that I am a self-avowed egomaniacal narcissist, I'm not stupid enough to become blinded by my successes to not see my flaws, of which there are MANY (there it is again!). Its good to look at yourself critically I think. It keeps us grounded and helps us to better understand others and their problems. Only idiots would think that there was nothing wrong with themselves, and it would make it impossible to empathize with another. And in all honesty, that's what I care about the most.

I don't know what I would do if I ended up thinking I was a better person that someone else. I've dedicated my life to helping others, and I think that maybe, on some subconscious level, I'm afraid that if I don't do something to burst my own bubble, I might get too far away from what I really care about.

Theory #4)There's an evil monkey in my closet. Oh, sorry, Family Guy flashback. Plus I figure after that really abstract and quite serious line of thought, I'd better lighten the mood.


Anyway, It's probably some combination of the above. Or maybe I'm always this way and I just didn't realize it til now. Either way, I'm sure that the evil monkey has a hand in it.

What have I gotten myself into?

If you haven't heard, I won the Chancellor's Summer Research Grant a few weeks ago, and I've started my Literature Review for my research program. As I begin work, I am burdened by a single, irksome question:

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I've never done more reading in my entire life. I'm not really seeing much else but words. I even dreamt about reading last night. It's getting to be too much. If I'd had to do this for a class, I'd have dropped it long ago.

On the other hand, it's the easiest $2,000 I've ever earned. Plus it's been a good excuse to buy myself a new laptop.

Eh, I guess I'll just hold out hope that the actual project will be better. I'm going to do some field work with this project with interviews and surveys and all that fun stuff...

...man I'm getting bored writing this, you must be bored to tears reading it.

Alright let's wrap it up:

Money = Good.
Lit. Review = Bad.
Field Work = Hopefully Good.

Anyway, to better times. If I only drank. But it might make it harder to read...

A Question of Ethics - Reprise

Mood: Relaxed
Movie on in the background: American Beauty


Ethics be damned.

Like I said, they're not my ethics anyway. People can just butt the hell out. Well, since no one will know anyway, I don't suppose it matters. Hence the justification for my decision: why should I worry about what other people would think when they won't even know? And that's not even taking into account that it's none of their damn business anyway.

So that's that.

Just, FYI, I'm doing a whole helluva lot better now that that's off my shoulders. I've been more able to enjoy what's going on now.

Sorry for the ambiguity, friends. I know it's driving some of you crazy (thanks for the memos guys). Just know that I'm doing much better now.

Peace

A Question of Ethics

Mood: Pensive
Music: Jamiroquai

Have you ever been put in a position where very good things could happen to/for you, but you would have to compromise your ethics in order to do so?

Okay, let's step that back a little. It's not MY ethics I'd be compromising, because personally I don't think what the situation is is a problem, however, some of my peers and fellow academics would find the situation a little unethical.

So really, it's not my problem, but it's more the problem my friends and peers would have if I did what I want to do.

Now I'm sure you're all asking, "What the hell is he talking about?" Well, I wish I could tell you, because that might make it quite a bit easier to answer, but I can't. The constraints of my work and my position as a semi-public person won't let me talk about it openly. I guess to relate you would jsut have to think about something that you felt was okay but others might disagree.

Now usually I have no problem doing something unethical if I feel it's for the greater good (Stacey Campfield learned that one the hard way when I published his private e-mails all over the newspaper and the web. And really, the only person that probably wishes I hadn't done that is, well, Stacey Campfield).

But there is no greater good being done by this so called "ethics violation." It would be for my own personal gain. Now no one would be hurt by it, and no one would find out either, and it's not like I'd be breaking a law or anything, but is someone were to find out, they would probably consider it a little unethical.

I dunno. Since there is no risk and no danger, I really don't know what the problem is. I think a part of it is that this obscenely PC culture we live in. 20 years ago it would have been encouraged. Not anymore, though. It's really not anyone's business but my own anyway.

I guess, though, that if I were to do this I would be saying that there are times that it is okay to act unethically. I think that's true to a point. Because no man is made of iron. As long as we strive for the best we can be, it's okay to have shortcomings. We are human, after all.